Thought

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Anonymous

I think i am codependent among friends. I never failed to take care of people close to my heart. I pour care, love and affection on them unconditionally…which in turn I became emotionally dependent on somebody always…i failed to take care of myself…i forgot self love, self worth and self value…i am so possessive on them…little things hurts and disturbs my peace of mind…i feel insecure when someone talks to them or friendly with them…it disturbs the friendship and it makes me feel literally down all the time…i can’t discuss these issues with the closed ones… whenever i discuss it ends up in fight and disturbs their happiness…i always wanted everyone to be happy…i don’t want to hurt anyone…even myself…for the past one week i i can’t sleep, focus smile and cry every night thinking of my situation… kindly please help me find some solution

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @thebackyardpsychologist
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9 replies
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Anonymous

Hi there, I have been in your shoes. And I didn’t realise how horrible this dependency was for my well being and peace. I was a teenager, so hormones and emotions used to run high. Friendship meant so much. Practically everything. It wasn’t until I had grown up that I realised that most of those “friendships” were just social statuses, and that we were all friends not because we wanted to be, but because that’s just the way it had been. When I started observing my reactions to being left out or not being treated well or being treated at will, I found out how disturbed I get. And after a while I realised my self worth and decided that friendship was a two way street. And that I couldnt offer my friendship to the extent that someone couldnt reciprocate it and couldnt understand my feelings. I started noticing other people who cared enough to be my friend, and that’s all I started caring about. And since then, I never accepted anything less. I realised it was better to keep the circle small, than to keep fake ungrateful people around me.

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Anonymous

Thank you so much for your reply…i think i must work on realising my self value and self worth before i care for others…?

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Anonymous

Yes, definitely, you’re the jackpot ?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @thebackyardpsychologist

The.backyard.ps... @thebackyardpsychologist

hi there, 
lets break this down so you can understand this better.
first things first, reward yourself with a chocolate or a nice hot cup of tea/coffee or anything you want because youve already crossed the hardest obstacle that is to look for/accept change and you should really be proudof yourself on that.
now to get the solution, we need to isolate the problem first more specifically the beliefs that are the origin of the problem. 
to do that ask yourself ’ why do you care for your loved one’s? is it because you love/like them? is it because you want them to love you back? or is it because you fear that they will leave you ?
let me know the answers so we can work on this :)

@snega

Thank you so much for your concern…i will definitely reward myself…i care for my loved one’s because i love them unconditionally…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @thebackyardpsychologist

The.backyard.ps... @thebackyardpsychologist

If you love them unconditionally, then why do you feel insecure when someone talks to them?

Anthony @anthony

I feel im the same way when it comes to being possessive over friends or family that I care about and feel I dont want someone stealing that friend from me…but it’s all in your head…if youre a great friend to someone they wont forget it…they will always be a friend to you even if a new person is now introduced to your friends life…you might actually like the new person and become friends with them too…but if you suffocate the friend or friends you have with being possessive and jealous…you’ll chase them away…they might even give warnings to future potential friends about your behavior…which could leave you friendless…be confident in your friend abilities…you dont have to be possessive…be confident that your friends still love you and care for you…like I said …if youre a good friend they wont forget it and will not let you down like you allow your mind to make you think…dont get carried away with paranoia.

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Anonymous

Hey there, I don’t know what’s your age or your situation at home but there is the thing that helped me a lot. I had to start searching for answers within. I had to go all the way back to my childhood and realize what was missing. I had been trying for such a long time to please and love everyone around me that left me completely numb inside. So please, if you have anyone to talk to, or a professional, such as therapist, go to them and talk. You’ll find answers for sure. Everything is up to you and once you start accepting and loving yourself, everyone else will feel it and reciprocate. Have a good one!

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Anonymous

Self love comes with days of insecurity and when you don’t believe in yourself at all. The self love journey isn’t so glam and beautiful the way it is showcased on social media platforms. And I’ve been at the same position where I thought I have been caring for the people but then understand that everybody deserves space and it becomes toxing for the other person. And always remember if you start loving yourself and being kind to yourself it will be easier to focus and understand your loved beings a little better.

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