I need advice, I need help, and someone not to act like this isnt a big deal, and I’ll get past it. My moms been sick for over a year now… it happen when i graduated from high school. I put everything on hold, I gave all the money I had to rent, I gave up scholarships… I’ve let my mental and physical health get so bad. I don’t think I can recover. I’ve even cut my throat one trying to show my family I’m not ok, and need help. I would go out with dudes I didnt even know. My mom isn’t trying to get better, she lays on her bed, and wont try. I tried to tell her it’s starting to make me hate my family and God… i tried to tell her if i didnt get out id kill myself. No one listened… i got a job, to get out. Now im putting all that stress that almosted killed me… on my 15 year old brother… i have no idea what to do… im only 19 and i run a household full of 6 people… i go get food, clean, keep up with my moms meds and her appts. I forgot to go to the dentist so now i might have to get my teeth pulled… no one will let me use a car… so i have to beg for rides to work… im trying to find a cheap one tho. My brother is so overweight and doesnt wanna fix it. Depression has gotten both of us so bad… idk if we can turn back. I thought about moving away with him. But where would my mom go? How could me, being as depressed i am take care of another depressed teen… my family is mentally abusive to us and my mom… no one will help me with her, but will cuss me out when i leave for myself… and wont let me put her in a home… please help…
Stay calm and relax think broadly you are not a master but yes you are the right one who handle this situation that’s why master gave you this situation as if you claiming your rights so there is some responsibilities also came with them.
Now you just play your role honestly and allow your self to go with flow
Take deep breaths in and out. Your mind will be calmed.
I am sorry for what’s happening and you have to go through all these alone.
But despite all these struggles you are facing, just think why is that God is making you do all these still when you don’t wish to do it? Because he has faith in you. He knows you being a 19 year old, can handle everything and will make yourself proud. After some years you will say proudly I have seen the worst cases and no one can hurt me. I am the best and I can do anything and everything, learnt at such a young age. I AM PROUD OF YOU! YES. FOR HOW YOU ARE HANDLING DESPITE THESE PROBLMES. I am sure God has something planned, we just don’t know till the time comes, right?
Since you are taking care of everybody but not you, make a schedule and take out time for yourself. It seems impossible but you can make that I M POSSIBLE. I know you can do this. After your mom’s health and brothers help and your job. Talk to friends, chat with them, watch TV/Netflix and relax your mind. And, if you want a therapist go ahead because you mind needs relaxation too, right? There is no harm in doing that. Ad its the best for you.
Sending you good wishes and positivity. I hope you get better after reading this and regain faith in God and most importantly on yourself. 💚💛
Hey, I’m so sorry for the situation you’re in. I see this is over a week old, so I hope you’ll get this message.
It IS a big deal, it’s a HUGE deal. I’m much older than you and what you’re going through would be terrible for someone my age, let alone for a 19 year old to have to deal with so much, with other people putting their burdens on you and failing to help. I think you’re entirely justified in wanting to escape that situation. Look, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself entirely for another person, especially not for a parent. If your mother has family, THEY SHOULD BE HELPING both HER and YOU. It’s so easy for other people to place burdens on you without offering help themselves, and perhaps part of the reason they would judge you for leaving is that they want to avoid having to face their own responsibility. I’m angry that society at large doesn’t help enough in these cases. There are plenty of people with the time, resources, etc to help in small ways that would add up to a huge relief of burden to you, but those people are too busy enjoying themselves to lift a finger. It is THEIR failure not yours. You are one young person and should not be pushed to this point. The fact that you’ve made cries for help including cutting yourself and they still haven’t stepped in says a lot about THEIR moral failure, not yours. Please do not allow them to manipulate you into burdening yourself too greatly.
Here’s the reality. People are energy beings. A person who is low on energy due to stress or depression cannot reasonably be expected to expend what little energy they have helping others. A person can only help others from a position of abundance or surplus of energy, and even then when a person helps another, they should in turn reasonably be able to expect that others will help THEM in a time of need - otherwise this is just exploitation. It sounds like you’re an amazing person who has tried to help your mother but nobody else is being reasonable to consider you, and by implication they are ALSO failing your mother by expecting you to continue to give and give even when you’re at rock bottom. Don’t let them manipulate you that way. I’m not giving you any specific course of action, but don’t let people who could be helping your mother put it all on you. That’s bullshit, and there’s no way God would approve of this. I may have a different understanding of faith to you, I believe in the teachings of the Old Testament, many of which talk about loving and respecting ‘parents’, but for me most of these teachings are about PARENTS IN FAITH, not biological parents. Don’t let your hope\faith in God be crushed because of false teachings or false understandings of teachings about responsibility to parents - God does not want you to suffer away or to be weighed down and crushed just to help your mother. If it helps at all, in the final judgement I will stand up for you against anyone who dares to suggest you should give your life away for your mother.
Now turning to practical things. I think maybe if you’ve tried to get others to be fair and contribute and they continue to refuse - the only option might be to rent your own place (assuming you can afford this on your wage). I don’t know what would become of your mother - there are various possibilities. Firstly, if you left that situation, isn’t it possible that you could go back once a week or so to give an hour or two to managing her and giving her a bit of help, and doing it that way you might be much better equipped to help? You could also leave her entirely, which wouldn’t be totally unreasonable - if she has family, I’m sure they will step in to some degree, or perhaps there’s government help, or a social worker service you could try to contact for help? Think about it, if you escape a toxic situation of slaving away constantly, if you took your brother with you - you would not only have more time to help yourself and get your own life in order, but it puts you in a better position that you could help her, or even if you abandoned her entirely you could end up helping someone else further down the line once you’re more functional. What would be the good of getting to a point of complete breakdown, possibly killing yourself or something? Then you lose yourself AND any hope to help others. If you leave for yourself and take care of yourself, then you can always help someone in the smallest way possible sometime down the line, and you’re much more useful alive than dead. You have to water your own garden for now. You are valuable in and of yourself, even if you NEVER helped ANYBODY you are valuable in and of yourself. Nobody is better qualified to help yourself than yourself.
If you did move out, and if you did take your brother - it’s possible you could find solutions to your problems. Okay, he’s not motivated right now to lose weight due to depression, but perhaps in a new situation, if you had complete control over the place you’re renting - you could have more control over things to make things better. As a simple example, YOU will be able to decide what food you stock at home - so you could make sure the ONLY food in your cupboard is nutritious, decent, non-sugary, not-fatty stuff; and then maybe once a week you could take your brother out for a donut and hot chocolate (or some other ‘treat meal’) as a ‘reward’ for spending most of the week eating proper food - by going out for it, you keep up the ‘quarantine’ at home against unhealthy foods while also showing that you CAN enjoy the occasional splurge on junk food without sacrificing diet entirely. Possibly even simply being away from your sick mother might help you both to gain more energy and he might start feeling more motivated to lose weight. You could also draw up plans for sharing housework, you could explain to him that you’re working right now to pay rent and so he has to make up HIS end of the bargain by helping a little around the place by keeping things tidy, and possibly cooking a meal or two for you when you get home. These are just small examples, my point is you might have much better control over the situation like that than in your present one.
Now, maybe even taking your brother is too much burden for you at this point. Maybe you need to just move out on your own, even THAT is enough. You can’t be responsible for everyone! Again - saving yourself is better than sinking with other people, that’s not ‘selfish’ or unhealthy in itself. If you get out by yourself, maybe after some time you’ll gain more energy and THEN you’ll be better served to go around occasionally and help your brother, OR eventually perhaps he could move in with you. It’s up to you, but don’t think you’re terrible for wanting to save yourself first. We are individuals for now, you have DIRECT control over your own body and some control over your own mind and feelings. Placing the burden on yourself of controlling OTHER PEOPLE’S bodies and feelings is a huge step removed. Try to help yourself first, and then within reason help others to the degree you are capable. The sun isn’t powered by the objects like the Earth that are warmed by it - the sun shines forth its light from its own internal energy, and that brings life and warmth to Earth. That’s a healthy, positive relationship.
If you leave and your mums family give you trouble or criticise you, just dismiss it and don’t let it get to you. People are often hypocrites. If they really cared they would have helped more. Especially if there’s more than one of them. Two people giving just a little bit of effort would have saved you SO MUCH undue burden. Any shit they give you for leaving would be totally hypocritical and empty. Don’t let it get to you. As I see it, it is SOCIETY that has failed in this situation, not you.
As for your teeth, the moment you’re able to afford it - go get a checkup and a regular clean, that in itself can be expensive but it will be worth the checkup, if you need work, you can ask for an itemised estimate of the cost before going back, at least then you’ll know what needs to be done and how much you need to save to pay for it. Always make your teeth one of (maybe THE) top health priority. If you can ever afford one, get a decent electric toothbrush like a Braun Oral B, clean your teeth regularly and gently, no matter how bad they are now (unless it causes pain or something), even if you’ve only got a single tooth left TAKE LOVING CARE OF IT. I can’t overstate how important taking care of your teeth is. Always rinse your mouth after you’ve had soft drink or acidic drinks or foods, try to floss once a day or at least twice a week or more. Again, even if they’re in a really bad state, take as best care of what you have. It’s easy to feel too tired to brush, especially if you’re depressed, but try to make it a priority.
Sending my love. Best wishes, I hope you can beat this. 😀