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Lia @leelia

I managed to get over my ex, my first love, the person I thought i’d never be able to let go of… yet 5 years later I still haven’t been able to get over my ex best friend, the one i spend 12 years with, the one i used to fight with everyday, we almost killed each other but we never broke apart, untill we did, but that’s a whole other story. I don’t like her, I really don’t. She’s got way too many issues, I find her extremely foolish and immature, she snaps at people all the time for no reason and is extremely rude and disrespectful, she’s never there when i need her, she’s never happy for me, she doesn’t like it that i apparently talk too much and never cares about my problems cuz she’s too self centered to understand the world doesn’t revolve around her, that she’s not the only one with problems, too busy caught up in her head to see when others are breaking apart in front of her eyes, she’s blindly in love with the worst person ever and has completely ruined everything good she ever had yet refuses to accept it. She made me feel dumb when i talked about the things I loved, she enjoyed embarrassing me in front of other, and treating me like an idiot, she always made fun of me and made me feel so stupid. She ditched me for some new friends that didn’t take long to ditch her, cause unlike me, they were smarter and new they had to walk away from someone like her. I felt bad and approached her 5 years later to try and be friends again, and here i am regretting it. I thought she would’ve changed, i thought now that we are older and more mature we could make it work, but i was wrong. I can’t let her go but ugh u hate her so much, but i can’t picture her not being around, it never stopped feeling weird, yea we had a toxic friendship and we were a mess but i never found someone like her, i’ve never been able to find such a deep connection, to feel so close to someone… I just want to curse the hell out of her, I want to tell her everything i think and leave and never come back, but… I’d never be able to do that bc i still care and love her, i hate to admit it but i truly do. I don’t like the way she is at all but i love her somehow and i hate it so much it makes me want to slap myself in the face. Why? What is it that she’s got on me? Why can’t i just forget like i’ve done plenty of times before with other ppl

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