I just have no will to live anymore. I lost my faith in everything. Its killing me from the inside out. Its like there no purpose for our lives. What is like to be happy or to smile. Its been a long time. Why am i so sad that i just dont know i really dont know why i just cant smile anymore , i can no longer look to the people in the eyes, its scars me like am feeling so lonely even tho i have friends around me, it just feels so lonely. They be laughing all day long, and am just there wondering how can they be so happy, like how they can do it and i just cant. Why am i so fucking down like ihate myself so much, that i end up crying everyday in my bad like a babby. Why is it so hard for me to share my feelings? Maybe cz no would ever care, no one will really understands me. I can’t concentrate in my classes which it leads for me to fail my classes. Why is it so hard for people to notice that am not really okay tho my answer to "how are you " is always “fine”. Why i can know when people aren’t really good. Why i can notice it fast while everyone arround me cant. Why whenever someone is sad i just worry alot about thm and not giving myself any kind to attention. Why i care about people more thn i care about myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Am really lost. Am just so sad that i totally forgot i last time i was happy.I had a bad childhood, i never had a friend for my first 15 years. I was bullied, i used to be a joke for everyone, and my parents didn’t do anything about it. And i just don’t blame thm for that cz they are unconscious. All they cared about was my grades. And cz of that am the person i am now. If everything was different for me would i be a different person now? If yes thn who i really am?
Am afraid to commit suicide , not cz there is a hell and heaven but cz there is nothing after death, i just want to find my happiness, i just want to find something i am really good at, i just want to live like everyone else, its killing me. I just cant live and i cant die. Its the worst feeling. I just want someone to be next to me, believe in me, to help me get threw all this, i just cant find anyone who would really care for me. I lost my faith.
I don’t know if I am good at talking so I am not going to try to. But I have been there.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZPJPSZxi88
Watch these videos they have helped me in the past maybe it can help you too.
Hey, please don’t lose hope. Have faith in god and everything will be fine a day. We all have some purpose for life, if you still don’t have it, try to set it up and achieve it.
If you think like you were bullied or people are making your fun, you can easily shut their mouth by your positive actions in life.
Just try to improve everything a little by little thing.
Have a great life ahead:)