I have been in depression for past 4 years. Nobody knows it. Infact i also didn’t know. The feeling had I didn’t know that these were th symptoms.
Today i am still same.
For past 6 years i am preparing for a government job… Now i have got one.but i feel i got trapped…I dont want to do this job but i have to because u know… “SOCIETY”.
Each and every day i feel like i should run away and not coming back. Sometimes i feel i should… i don’t know…
I got tired of living like this…
The thing is i am afraid of myself now…what if i take huge step…i dont know…i …
I’m there to hear you. Its okay to feel this way just tell me what does your heart says to you right now? What’s the best thing you feel is for yourself?
Try to force yourself physically thinking of other things when you catch yourself on these thoughts. E.g. when I was treating my depression (even after visiting doctors), i was forcing my self to read the titles of stuff which I saw in front of me (like bottles of shampoo, food containers, anything I saw in front of me). Because thinking of it will not solve your problems but will make you feel worse. It’s called self-destruction. So try to force yourself and switch attention.
Then, it’s a really workable idea to bring more sport into your life. It can be whatever, even just 10 minutes of yoga every morning. It really physically helps your brain to deal with depressive moments. Sports can be absolutely anything.
If you feel like “running”, maybe really try running physically.
Must say, you did great with getting a job! Really well done, you should be proud of yourself. Now, you don’t have to stay there forever and you don’t have to quit straight away if you realize now that you do not like what you got. You can start looking for other job offers. But I’m pretty sure, the job you have now will look nice in your CV afterall.
And try to find small things everyday that makes you feel better. Something like a beautiful sunset, you can stop for a sec and catch the feeling of enjoying it. Believe me it really does good to your brain. If you suffer from depression, especially for that long time, it means you have developed a new “depressive” connections with neurons in your brain. And you need to start working on yourself to brake these connections and to create new “positive” ones. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there and sometimes I still am, it’s not such a short process,you do need to learn patience here . But I know you absolutely can do it. And one day you just look around and catch yourself on a thought that you really feel happy.
Don’t be afraid. The huge world is full of different people. We all have different lives and different problems and situations. And there are (or eventually will be) people around you who (even unconsciously maybe) willing to help you in different ways. You are not alone even when you feel it for some time,it’s just a trick of your mind.
Let yourself to rest and your mind too and then work on yourself as much as you can, it’s worth it. Work for good. And everything is going to get better. No doubts about that😊