I have a troubled relationship with mental health, and I don’t mean having to suffer the anxiety. I mean, that I tell myself that mental health needs to be talked about more, but often end up hating the way it’s talked about. Yes, this is what I grapple with.
I decide that mental health advocacy is needed, but then as soon as my privileged colleague shares an extremely aesthetic infographic on Instagram, talking about self love, I just want to stuff my face inside my pillow. Because why, why are all the posts so pastel coloured and feeling like they’re full of fluff. Why does mental health seem like an important and exploited issue at the same time? 
Rationally, I know. I know that what often works for others doesn’t work for me. I know that sometimes the Instagram stories help. But also, I feel like mental health becomes irrelevant when spoken and flouted about to build a personal brand instead of to actually contribute responsibly to the narrative. 
I have been anxious for most of my life, and the posts saying “It’s okay to…” don’t help me as much as those from actual therapists do. Because sometimes people hand out 5 worded posts on Insta without realising that there nuance to advice, that it needs to come with context and compassion and customisation. It cannot be used to churn likes. 
So I fight a strange war inside my head. One part of me says that I cannot judge this, I need to accept it because it could be helping someone. Another part whispers at me and tells me that intent matters, that mental health and self love cannot become the fashionable posts of 2020, there needs to be more thought into what’s getting peddled out to the people. 
So yes, this is a random post, but I just feel like I needed to say this. My own struggle with accepting all the narrative of making mental health acceptable is an important step as I learn to battle my own anxiety.