Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have a huge issue about argues, i do not like them i above them. I remember my parents they had problems and i used to hide my mother about things to avoid her to start shouting to my dad. Every day i was afraid of that moments of shouts and fights. I was 6 years old and i was able to know that an action may cause a fight. The worst day of my life was the day i had beg my mother to stop fighting and she told me to shut up and said that i cried for stupid things. In that moment she did not care about me, or the day that i locked myself in my bedroom and i was watching tv and i looked through the window, and i found my dad bleeding and leaving home. He would always call and my mother would take the call and hung up. My dad was always there for me. I was 6 years old and i knew everything about my parents. My mother used to use a dating app and talk with men. And then she would blame my dad about very small things. on the top of dad she would throw him stuff and make him bleed. I saw it. I saw my mother going to social services and say that my dad was abusive. Absolutely a lie, i was there my dad never shout at her, never hit her, never. For some reason they never did something. So many time i compare myself to my dad in this situation. Everytime my mom shout at me and she would provoque me, i would stare at her and do not say anything, because i am tired. I cry at night and at the morning i have to smile as nothing happened.