I hate myself so much… it’s getting hard everyday to be able live with myself. This brain…it processes too much…which makes me feel so tired… mentally…and I can’t do anything after that…I feel like there so much noise all the time in my head I just want some moments of peace…I live with fear all the time…not just one…many…fear of sleeping in night…fear of waking up in the morning…to face a new day…fear of every breathe…fear of living…fear of people when they ask about me… I’m so tired of being scared all the time…my parents …family want me to something else and I felt something else all along…an artist…I think I don’t have any art left in me now… I’ve ruined myself… neither I am what they want me to be nor what I want myself to be…and I can’t move on… because I don’t want to move on…I don’t want what they want…I feel like I’m in a cell very small closed dark… there’s nothing ahead nothing behind…I feel like I’m drowning…and neither I’m dying nor I’m coming up… I’m suffocating all the time… I’m a disappointment to me to my family…I can’t understand it.
I really understand that feeling of being stuck and not knowing how to move forward.
Yess… exactly that… feeling of being mentally paralyzed.
firstly i want to tell you i’m so so proud of you mann coz all of this sounds so hard but you’re still trying to deal with it and not give up! But i think you shd see a therapist it would be a great help and asking for help is not weakness but hella courageous. You need someone to share whatever thoughts come to your mind and perhaps let go of them. And you’re not a disappointment to your family infact you’re amazing and very important to them and they love you very very much <3 . Don’t keep anything in your mind and overthink abt it otherwise it will turn into nothing but baggage. share whatever you feel with your family i’m sure they’ll understand :) also you can start writing a diary and vent out your thoughts there. sending lots of love and a virtual hug <3 i’m sure you’ll do great in life. May you get all you want in your life but mostly love,health and happiness :)
That really put a smile on my face… thanks for that ☺️ I try to talk to my family about my feelings and mostly doesn’t go right because when you have so much it mind things usually do not come out as words…more like tears…but I try… I’ll do again…I write diary also… Don’t have it with me en so decided to write here…thank you so much for the support ❣️