I guess hookup will distract me from my problem and my thoughts because I feel I'm toxic and just want to do something 

3am Thoughts

Pre-lockdown, I used to take most of the opportunities I got to talk to people.
Now, not only do I not take those opportunities, but I also sit and think about them and regret it later, and then the cycle repeats and I keep feeling worse. 
Such toxic behaviour 🤦‍♂😩
Remind me take these opportunities when I get them pls 😭


Friends

Prioritising yourself should be the motto of life😊 If anyone is making it toxic for you than dont gulp the acid. I know it is difficult to unlove someone but it is better to be hurt for sometime than to be in it for a lifetime.

Emotional Abuse

It's easy for some to blame you for not caring for them and get away saying that you are toxic while actually they are the ones who were toxic. Don't you think many are getting exploited in the name of this toxic term "toxicity" ? I'm one of them. Let's connect if you want to talk about it ....I have a story to share.

Breakup

Why some people are so toxic ? And why kind hearted people suffer so much always? 

Use code "ugly" and get 50% taarif and 50% sympathy.

If the toxic people in my life had a face it would be 

Affirmations

I'm a toxic person and I really enjoy it somehow 

"Glipses of a bit, I've planned to add to my book. First of all, I thought I could write it as just my story by giving unreal names. But later, I realized it should be more than just a story. It should be something that adds value to people aged between 19-26. Moreover, it's too early for me to write a book, so I'm delaying it by a year, maybe more. But definitely, I'll publish my own book. 1-2 more years mean more experience, more interactions, more amendments, more content.

The book is about me, you, and them. My story will be there, the advice I'm giving to my younger self will be there, and a lot of content.

A short example of what is inside the book based on what I have observed, identified, experienced, learned, watched, and read.

"What makes a toxic relationship more complicated and very difficult to break? Why are mature relationships easy, but boring? Why do non-toxic, non-matured relationships last?

It's all about dopamine. In a toxic relationship, you have to work hard to get some love from the other one. So, it's like a reward system. You worked, you got a reward. It's like a drug, like an addiction. You will crave that dopamine kick. Meanwhile, in non-toxic relationships, you are getting everything automatically: love, care, attention, validation, etc. You are not working for it; it's free. So, there are no cravings for love as it is there. Like, we don't know the value of food since we are getting everything automatically from childhood. 

But do you know? Rocky Bhai during his childhood had to polish 8 shoes to get a bun 🌞 So think, who will be happy to get a bun? The kid Rocky Bhai or us? Definitely Rocky. 

But we can see the same rocky bhai wasting food using helicopter fan, just to make his wife comfortable and to protect from heat, after being rich 😹 Because, he has abundant of food with him. No need to work hard for it.

That's how a toxic relationship works. It is like an addiction. You can't break that bond even if you feel it's not good.

In economics, there is a relationship between demand and supply. It's inversely related. More supply is equal to less demand. More availability is equal to less value.

But what about a mature non-toxic relationship? It's balanced. It's the perfect one. Both the partners are matured; they already know what is good, what is bad."

This is just a small summarized portion of what I've planned to write. In 1-2 years, you can see it on paper 😹

And it's not something that can be accepted very fast, and only toxic relationships or narcissistic abuse survivors can enjoy reading it. Others will find it helpful after a long time. Like, before touching fire, kids don't know how it feels, after touching, they know what it is 🤌🫡

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts