I feel like a junky with a sugar addiction and the people around me are fake. I’m a liar, a pill popper, borderline alcoholic, sugar addict. I’m also a mother, daughter, sister, and girlfriend. A friend I am not. I can’t be a good friend because I really don’t like people. Plus I have social anxiety. The people I thought were my friends just talk about me to each other and anyone else who wants to listen. I’ve never been a social person and being an adult with kids who people love makes that harder. I know for a fact some only come to see the kids. They are very adorable. Others only come to see if I’m high that day or what my daughter’s hair do looks like or if my house is clean. Random things that could be negative to give them more to talk about. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been along with some of the conversations in the past be recently I’ve been avoiding all drama and negativity. That ended up looking like I’m a junky who wants to stay indoors and avoid everyone else. Slightly true but I’m not a junky and I don’t want company or phone calls or video chats. I don’t call ANYONE except my mother and my boyfriend. The others contact me then gaslight the whole interaction like they care but are just reporting back. I want to move states and I will when I get my money right. Nothing is going to keep me in this town with people I have never been connected to. I’ve always been a loner but now it just looks like I want to be alone to do drugs when really I just want to be free. I feel stuck and unhappy here but for lost if reasons I can’t just up and leave. I’m tired and I don’t mean physically.
hey there stranger. You think so low of yourself and it’s understandable but not ok. From what i can tell is that you love your girls, you as a mom have a responsibility towards them. you have to fight for em. People are way stronger than they think they are, so are you. You don’t have to be social to be a good friend (i also suffer from social anxiety and i know its not the same). Having one loyal friend is better than having to deal with a bunch of bull. the people that show up at your home maybe love you or maybe they don’t. We as social animals do give a damn about what fellow humans think of us, it’s human nature. but humans are also very adaptable, we can change our nature for better. You can choose to ignore what other people think of you because you are the one suffering, not them. You and i know that you aren’t a junky stuck at home. i think people who truly love you also know that. You see drugs as your way of escape. they are not, they’re just a illusion. remember the time that you were truly happy and free, try to be her. It’s hard but you owe it to your kids and your family. A parents life has a great impact on their kids. take tiny little baby steps. Do things that the past happy girl would do to make her happy. you’ll find her again. You’ll love life and it’s gifts again. And im sorry that it took a while to find your answer here. I hope you see a therapist or join local support group.
