I don't want to do anything, I don't want to get, I don't want to work, why the f:k I am still alive. I am nothing, I do nothing, nothing called life in me. Why then why???? What do I do by waking up everyday?? Just passing on days, months , years, and a decade. Why ?! What's the point. 

Same o same. But I can't even tell them anything. They don't know anything. 

I don't know when it gets better like people say. Life just feels like a loop of tasks I have to go through each day.

Yeah. Idk too even if it get better. Like maybe for some time. But not forever. Its a loop to back to same old thoughts, emotions, sad part of you.

Going through the same thing buddy. I just don't have the courage to end it thinking about my family.

Life

Being beautiful or handsome is sometimes make you sad cuz either few keeps hitting on you or like few thinks that you are in relationship...

Bro puch liya kro isme bhi fatt'ti hai kya?

I have never received true love... It's either with my body, face or idk...  I have barely any male friends left in my life. I stopped using socials cuz of it. I was very afraid to use it now.
**Idk whether I am beautiful or not but people say so, I am not complimenting myself tho 🤌 I am just saying here the general stuffs**

3am Thoughts

I really like my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years now. I never told my parents about him because they are super strict and would definitely be pissed off at me for being in a relationship. Of course, I want to proceed with things on another level with him as in getting engaged and married. But, I don't see it happening. My mom has been finding guys whom I don't even know to get us married. I don't want to get married to some guy whom I do not know. They just do not understand me. I told them about my boyfriend recently. They were so mad, and they told me to forget him. My boyfriend has a stable job, a loving guy. I'm so heartbroken. My mum is forcing me to get myself married to some random guy. AAAAAAAAAAAA. I don't know what to do.  

Stress

Good

Friends

My parents where very controlling,emotionally and physically abusive people when i was young i had seen my father trying to beat my grandmother and she committed suicide by litting fire to herself and to our house and when i was 11 i became homeless .
And this all mentally messed me up and me and my family started to live in a single room beside my fathers studio we had enough money to rent a decent house but my father was selfish he spent that money on useless things .yes he gave me food,education, clothing but that wasnt enough i was just a child i needed more than that but no one cared about me so i became emotionally detached. 
Then All I wanted was go to college and move away from this place from them but then my father got brain tumour and i couldn't go to college while all my friends did and i was left in house helping my dying dad we didnt have any money for surgery so people donates as charity i couldnt face anyone after that but we couldnt do the surgery because one way or another it was assured he was going to die so me and my mother and brother remained home looking after my dying father bathing him feeding him cleaning all kinds of thing and with help of some people and more charity i found a job and my father died while i was looking.
And then i was content at my job i found my love there it was from him i knew what love was. I studied my degpree as distant education while i did my job three years passed still my dream hasnt changed i needed go abroad i had experience to go to uae finally escaping from this hell everything was planned.
I studied hard spent my hard earned money to study a course to go abroad but when it was too close it was again taken away from me i dont have any money no ones going to help me i resigned my job to go abroad because at that job nothing was improving 
I let myself hope and it all came crashing down
I feel like my heart is ripped out
I want to go but i cant this world is cruel like that 
I feel like im dying only thing i ket myself hope i cant anymore

Money Problems

I canceled the date after seeing her Bio lately 

I've seen stuff about my dad that nobody else has. I cannot love him the same i did. Honestly, forget love. I cannot see him the same way as i did before. Both my parents have been working since i was a very small kid and being the only child , i used to crave for love and spending time with them. But since my dad kept sailing, I never spent a lot of time with him anyways.  He has been grounded for the last 5 years and i haven't seen any particular development in our relationship either. I do keep getting jealous of my friends whose parents take them out to beaches,  trips abroad or within the country or state as well but my father hasn't even bothered. He takes my mom and i for dinner once in a while but it's only for the sole purpose of eating and not "spending time together". We constantly keep fighting over my grades. I don't get good grades because i'm studying PCM against my will. I don't understand it and i hate it. I keep getting compared to my friends who all weren't as bright as me back in class 10 but are way better than me right now (LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR, IS IT MY FAULT THAT I'M STUDYING THIS BS?) I have no voice in my family and my opinion doesn't matter. The other day my dad literally told me stuff like if you get bad grades and put my name to shame, i'll slit your mother's throat and kill myself. I won't let you have fun spending my money and this actually scared me because i know that he is capable of doing so. I Hate That Man more than anybody else i know. But people treat him like a reverend, people worship him because he was very professional at work. Nobody knows him like i do. every second i spend with him feels suffocating. I just want to leave..

Lonely

I woke up my my better this morning. Now my biggest fear about having a group discussions this afternoon has now began to form. The fear of hearing something negative again is now with me. At all I woke up much better today, my anxiety continues. ￼

Anxiety

Even people came on this app just to be mean. Where it is clearly for help. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts