Thought

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Anonymous

I don’t feel very nice, maybe it’s the quarantine, but I don’t really know. I feel tired and exhausted most of the time. Just a few days back, I was feeling okay. I’m still not completely upset and sad. There are certain times during the day when I feel okay. I’m lucky to have good company with me right now. But there are those times as well, you know. I feel really sad and hopeless. I’ve kinda stopped eating also. And it was all so gradual, which makes it so crazy. I’ve lost interest in all of my hobbies and things that I liked doing before. It could most likely just be the effect of the quarantine, but I don’t feel so good right now. And I have a feeling that it’s going to get worse if it continues like this. The lockdown has been announced for 19 more days, and I feel pathetic and miserable sitting at home. My mom has a problem with me sleeping, with me on my iPad, and I don’t know what else to do. Mainly because I don’t feel like doing anything else. I’m too lazy and bored to do anything else that would be more productive and perhaps, more fun. I don’t know! Can someone please talk to me about this, I really wanna know what’s going on.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @drishtigupta
2 replies
Profile picture for Now&Me member @drishtigupta

Drishti Gupta @drishtigupt...

Hey! I completely understand what you are going through at the moment. But I’ve honestly come to accept the situation now. I’ve accepted that there is no other solution to what is happening and it’s really not in our control. I had a good 2 weeks when I was not able to achieve anything productive and I used to just lie in bed and LITERALLY CRY. I didn’t understand what was happening at that time but after those 2 weeks, I realized that I wasn’t alone in this. I realized that the whole world was with me in this. That we are all ALONE TOGETHER. And that seriously gave me immense power to get a hold of myself. Knowing that there are other people feeling the same things that I am feeling.

I also promised myself that I will not compare my life with anyone else’s and I will not let the productivity of someone else be the yardstick for mine. It’s completely okay to not be productive at this time and not come out of the quarantine with a ‘new skill’

Let’s try and not put that pressure on ourselves! Here to talk about anything else that you’re feeling :)

Anonymous

I am not sure about your age; but, you indicate you are still with your mother. If you are in the age range of 15-19 or so; I think what you describe is going through this massive change in your life and not knowing how to describe it but just to feel it. “Bored” may be a kind of numbing because you are thinking of your losses on another level while looking at the iPad - I do that too. I felt my “mission” to help my family was to know everything I can and read and watch videos all day but it took a toll much like you describe. I took a three day retreat. I did not read any news and read a really good book instead. I took walks and spent time meditating outdoors which I had really lapsed on since the pandemic. I realized I was absorbed in my losses and what would never be rather than focusing on a future where I can make some of my wishes and dreams become reality. I began slowly by making every mouthful count when I ate. I still could not eat much and did not have an appetite (I think this is part of mourning and being so sad with so much death reported). As I fixed a simple salad, I added oil for my skin and it felt better knowing I was beginning to care for myself again. I fixed pancakes with chocolate chips (chocolate without sugar is very good for iron) and I felt a little better too. Gradually, I have been doing my hobbies again. I picked up my knitting; not every day but most days of the week. I have been talking directly on the phone which seems to help me more than just online. I am also dreaming about what I might do next: build a tiny house for instance. I am beginning to look at courses online and at the library for no or low cost to learn some things for when I can travel again. I am glad you are the kind of person who cares about others and their pain. It is normal and natural to miss your friends and your activities and have everything just stop over night. I do not see this as “lazy” but more as a searching for what all this means to you. I began writing a list last night. I found the sadness was there but so was a lot of anger. Often, anger can immobilize me because I want to call it something else and not think of myself as an angry person. But, I was and am. I was having a pity party in my brain saying “why did this happen; why has it happened to me now?” Writing was very helpful.

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