I am just not happy and I can't figure anything out. I feel empty inside.

Take time dishita. Social media has taught us to be fakely happy. It's fine if we aren't. Eat good food. Fresh up. Go for walk. Music friends. Take break from your schedule. I really hope you have great weekend.

Ok so idk where to begin where all this built up emotion came from but here goes nothing I’ve been depressed full of anxiety for as long as I can remember when I was around 5 I was molested I am a male My entire life I’ve been put down not by my own siblings or parents they are amazing but like aunts grandparents uncles cousins I would be blamed for everything no matter the situation even if I wasn’t even there I would be blamed I would be put down and be told that I shouldn’t t be allowed over their house cuz I’m bad and my entire childhood to now I’ve hung up with just girls my cousin who is my legit best friend and other friends I have that are girls I’ve only got along with girls I’ve just felt safer around them but anyway back to what I was saying my entire life I’ve been just treated like dirt I’ve never felt real true emotion from another person or loved one other then my siblings and parents but friends never really invited me places or cared enough to ask if I’m okay I’ve tried to off myself a few times but I can’t do that to my mom it would break her she already goes thru to much I’m now 21 still depressed I even lost all my weight but tell me why I’m still not happy I’ve become the body I’ve dreamt of but it’s just not it I just am not happy I cry a lot I feel like I’ll never find someone who will love me or care for me not even friends because I’m to emotionally taken from past events that caused me to become very closed with my emotion I’m very shy but hang with a popular group I hide behind a mask everyday to hide my emotions I can’t even go up to another person without stuttering or being shy  it’s sad I feel sorry for my self why would I feel sorry for myself I just don’t know if it’s even worth it 

Frustration

I'm feeling weird. 
So backstory, this is about my best friend with whom i had a physical relationship 2 years ago. Things did not work well in that aspect and since then I've been in a relationship, broken up , but any case he is still my best friend and I am very much attached to him. 

So now he has made a new girl-friend and they're getting close. They I've pretty close so hang out all the time. I'm not scared of anything romantic happening because the girl is looking at rishthas at the moment and my friend isn't in a position to marry right now. But I see that she has become as imp to him as i was (or am). They do all these fun things together, like we used to and I'm getting JEALOUS. I confessed this to him, he reassured me that the bond we have is diff but i really am not able to accept it. He's been al about this girl since she came along. AND SHE WANTS TO MEET ME. THAT IS SO SO SO ANNOYING. I mean, i dot want her to be a part of his life and that's very selfish of me but what a i even supposed to do?

Should I distance myself from him?

Jealous

Okay so I was just listening to songs I remember a childhood incident......if a male is reading I can say for sure that at least for single time you have peed on your face and everyone does it when they are infant 😂

Other

So it's gonna be long. But so i was with a guy not for very long say 8 months in total 6 months live in relationship. He is older than me he is 27 and we broke up cause his family wanted him to get married he has different future plans and on the other hand I am young and can't think of marriage rn. I am student. I can't imagine getting married in coming 5 years. I have my career to set. So he started looking for arrange marriage rishtas moved to different city. And it was very hard time for me from past 6 months after our breakup. I lost myself. I am not focusing on my career even hooked up just looking for love. And trying to being in weird situation where I am hooking up with a guy who where I don't want sex. Its just i want comfort and whenever I had sex. I feel miserable very next day and miss me ex even more. Coming to my ex. We are still in touch and we had sex last month. 5 months after our breakup. 2 days ago I told him about I am hooking up with a guy and he is fucked because of this thing. He started showing I was just hiding my feelings. I love u so much don't do this. Blah blah. Still not giving me commitments cause he is looking to switch from his company and other factors are also there like age difference future shaddi. He said the girl he was looking for marriage. She is nice and everything but he likes her as a friend and feels trapped sometimes. He mentioned I don't have any rights to ask but please don't lose yourself and do such things. I might apply in US for me job and all. I love this guy alot but i don't wanna beg him to stay with me. Knowing the circumstances. Tbh I can stay away from him ready for long distance but when he is not sure and not saying anything. I just don't know should I ask him cause I am really hurting. And but there is my self respect. Knowing kuch ni hoga why asking him again. But fir ki yr pyaar h puchlu kehdu Jo mn me h. Please suggest 
 

Love

GM
GN
HRUUUUUUUUUUUU

 í'm gσíng ínѕane mαчвє
 ídk whαt'ѕ gσt íntσ mє
 í'vє вєcσmє wєαkєr thαn в4
 í'm ѕcαrєd σf ppl
 vєrч ѕcαrєd
tσdαч í tríєd tσ lσσk α líl díff í put σn kαjαl n tríєd tσ mαkє α gud pσnчtαíl n chαngєd mч єαrríngѕ
jѕt tσ líkє mчѕєlf α вít í díd ít
вt í wαѕ mσrє n mσrє ѕαcrєd tσ ѕєє ppl tσdαч cuz í thσught í'm míght lσσkíng α líl mσrє uglч tht єαrlíєr í єvєn rαn frσm gírlѕ ѕmαllєr thαn mє ídk ч í'm ѕcαrєd σf єvєrчσnє
í fєєl líkє crчíng nσw.. ít fєєlѕ líkє í'm dчíng frσm ínѕídє í'm αlwαчѕ ѕlєєpч
 mч hєαrt íѕ αlwαчѕ σn run
 í'm nσt fєєlíng αnчthíng gud..ídk whαt'ѕ hαppєníng tσ mє??!!
 í míght nєєd α pчѕcíαtríѕt
 ídk why wht whєn whєrє fuckíng wrσng wíd mє
í dσn't wαnnα tαlk wíd αnчσnє αt d ѕmє tímє í wαnt єvєrчσnє n mσrє ppl tσσ!!

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