Thought

@bunnurabbit

I am 19 and my family wont let go of me.

I struggle so much with depression and … ideation. Especially during the pandemic since just when i was starting to be okay with myself, everything changed. There was so much change. Therapy is too expensive for me so i cant do it consistently. Recently ive tried to be brave and go back to school after a 2 year break. Ive been trying to go back to art too. Ive been focusing on taking care of myself but recently ive been realizing all this is futile if i have no hold of my own life. I knew something is seriously wrong with me and how i view myself bc when i finally made some art after such a long time, i liked it a lot, then when i tried to make another thing literally right after, i couldnt bring myself to finish it. Its literally a sketch right next to a finished pieced. My hand was shaking and there was a voice at the back of my head telling me i am not an artist, i cant draw, im not a real creator, even if i made a really good piece literally just minutes ago. It was right in front of me. Ive been creating even during my whole hiatus yet i still view myself like this. I knew i needed change. Change of pace, change of environment. But i cant have that without my family’s approval, without independence.

Ive been trying to gradually ease their minds into the idea of letting me commute, at least teaching me how to so that i hhav more options than theyre giving me. But they cant let me go, especially my dad. I think hes struggling with this a lot. But its killing me so much, i cant do anything. I am so stuck. They arent prioritizing this because they dont take it seriously enough. I feel llik i am only living for them at this point. Ive tried everything i could do for myself within the house, but i need change and ive needed this for a while now. What should i do?

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5 replies
@bunnurabbit
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Im in a really dangerous spot right now. I am still here because of my little brothers. We lost our mom recently. If i am gone everyone is going to grieve again. Especially my dad, id feel so bad for him. But my heart is just not in living for my family, i have so much resentment. Which is why i am so mad that it seems lile that is what im doing, living for them. My friends say i care too muvh about what others think. I have responsibility but how am i to love my family and properly care for them when i cant do so to myself. Id just keep hating them. I dont know what to do. I need to get out

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Anonymous
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Hey what’s your name

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Anonymous
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U need to understand the situation in your family and complete your studies. After that u can move out and have a bit more freedom. Until then u must sacrifice for your family. And don’t think too much. If u can create a single piece of art believe that u are an artist. Even if ur inner mind say u r not an artist understand that u are already talented. So never listen to negative voices.

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Anonymous
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Yes

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Anonymous
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Hi

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