i always see children with their dads playing in the park and i hate it. I dont hate the child and the dad but, my life, i hate that my dad was never there for me, i hate that instead of taking care of me he fucked up my life, i hate that he made me feel like i wasn’t enough, i hate that he would compare me to other people, i hate that he stayed in my life. I wished that he could have left my life when i was born so i wouldn’t feel this pain in my heart everytime i see a happy kid with their dad or my step dad playing and being a good dad with his kids. Why does he hate me so much that he would stay and make my life a living hell? why does he now want to start being a good father?? He would beat the shit out of me as a kid now he want to pretend it never happened?!?! The word dad has been stained by him that i cant even call my step dad “dad” who has been more of a dad than he will ever be. Even then i cry knowing im not his actual daughter, If one day my mother and step dad split up i will be dad less. why was i born into a family who hurts me or doesnt want me? i dont know but its lonely, sad, and painful. To see myself ever being happy is a dream i have thrown into the trash.
step out. talk to random people or your friends parents. tell them how you feel.
you need to be calm and good so you make a better parent
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