How do you end it. Like how can you just make it stop. I wanna switch it all off. I can’t do it anymore. Shit i just got blamed for something i had no control over. Like how many times are you going to do that. How long does he expect me to take it for. How long……….

Mental torture, being mentally abused. Emotional torture 

Depression

Me on my way to disappear in the mountains for a week 

3am Thoughts

Its been too much chaos that now even normal seems a total mess 

My mind has been in **Survival Mode** from a really long time. I didn't really understand it earlier, but after learning about this I got to know why I feel like I am lagging behind the people of my age. Living 18 years in a house with Alcoholic father, crying and emotionally weak mother who burdened her emotions on her kids and never really tried to understand them, I am still trying to figure out how has it affected me because I can clearly see it in my behavior and relationships. It's like I never really knew I existed and drained myself in family issues and five years one sided love which I just couldn't let go because it made me feel something snd helped me from running myself even more. 

I don't know, just trying to learn how to be happy alone and not be dependent on anyone whether it's emotion or finance. 

Relationships

Only if i had held on for a few more minutes,i wouldn't be drowning here. The water looks still and peaceful. I feel okay. I want to feel okay. It seems endless. 

Scared confused.like I used to be numb and one day I just broke down and like it lasted a while but when it was over I was so scared because I felt like something was lifted of me and I knew that that weight kept me safe like I was safe with that weight and it's just gone and I want it back and now my minds trying to push me back into that box and like I want to go back but like it's trying to give me nightmares and trying to scare me back and like it's school holidays and I can't talk to my friends and I'm freaking out and I want to talk to someone but then I feel like a burden when people have gone through worse and then I feel selfish for having these feelings and I can't sleep and then my body fires me to pass out so I can rest but I don't feel safe and I just wake up with a weight gone from me and it reminds me okay be careful keep your guard up because I strust easily and then when they do something I feel like it's my fault

Mental Health

As long i keep my end real i dnt care how the situation turns out

Compassion

What are some calming things you do when overwhelmed ? Eg : i light scented candles.

I'm stuck in a constant loop with this, and feel so much torment. I avoid the things I'm afraid of (relating to my ocd), complete compulsions then I feel guilty and horrible, then I try to face them then I feel absolutely awful, then I complete compulsions etc etc, it's so mentally painful. It's hurting me and everyone around me. Ocd is so debilitating and I cannot cope with it. 

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