Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hii there ,
I think relationship and pressure of getting govt job messed me up .When I was in highschool I was very cheerful and optimistic person .But now I’m 23 and did not have a govt job. In indian society if you do not have one no one respects you .Daily I struggle to find keep motivation .I distract easily there is always constant thought on my mind all negative talks .I can’t stay positive more than 2 days .I just keep repeating those pattern. The biggest impact was my relationship because when I was kid all I want to do is be in good relationship but reality hit me really hard and after 3 breakups . I was in toxic relationship the exes never valued me and love me the way I want.I just can’t find motivation and happiness .And the govt job is another concern. My mom’s wants me to study for 7-8 hours a day and I’m not ready for that .I’m not even sure what I want to do in life I can not find motivation in studies .I set timetable but did not follow them and get stressed about that .I know that I need to study ,I wasted 2 years already but I just can’t find peace of my mind .Its getting hard day by day i don’t know if I ever be able to be happy again or get a job in my life .I’m trying change my self but it will last only for week but then I get demotivated. I really want to be happy .I’m exhausted emotionally and mentally .The constant past exs trauma just can’t get out of my mind and the fear of I’m being incapable of studying or get a govt job haunts me everyday.