Hii everyone, 
I recently moved to Australia for study purposes and thought it might be good for my future goals. But everyday just seems blur to me as if I'm not me anymore and I also don't know anyone around here. Feeling like I'm just a burden again on my parents for wasting there money cuz I just can't figure out how to do stuff here.

I hope this feeling goes away as fast as possible for the both of us.

Because I used to be a whole different person before coming here.

Anxiety

In a relationship I am becoming really dependent and attached, we are in a live in relation and I have become so attached . Yesterday I went to my cousin's home which is 5 hours away and he went to his home which is 4 hours away. So now I am going back tomorrow but he says he will come on Sunday which is making me angry, at first he was saying to come on Saturday only even tho I was telling I will come on Sunday but as I said him I am coming tomorrow he is now saying he ll come on Sunday as his dad is asking..even though my best friend and her boyfriend lives near by and I wouldn't be alone, I still want him to come tomorrow itself and I can't help but get angry at him. 

Relationships

Heyy! Guyss am new here on this platform.. I'm sure I will get mingled fast.. a bug hello to everyone out there!! ❤️

Mental Wellbeing

What is the best time to journal your thoughts ? I have been confused since long about this. I journal in the morning and I used to find it effective. But I don't see the effect now. Any thoughts/suggestions ?

Personal Growth

The good thing about bad time is, it shows true colours of everyone.

Loss

We didn't maka a call, by last 15 days.
She planed to meet, but cancelled at the day.. I have planned many things for that meeting that's why I felt heart break.. She is making call bt im ignoring.. One more thing i always went to her place.. Bt she doesn't ready to come at my place.... Should i leave her? 

3am Thoughts

Hey...
This is going to be a long story...

To start off I think I have some sort of OCD cause I can't bear to see dirty floors let alone walk on them. I stay in my room 24/7 so I always keep my floors clean and get awfully pissed when someone enters the room with dirty feet or slippers, even when slippers are clean they tend to leave some prints on the freshly swept floor. 

I got into a lot of trouble because of this habit of mine, for instance whenever my mom enters my room with her slippers on I tend to lose my calm. It's not like I never explained her why I feel so, but still she never respects how I  feel and just enters and walks in however she wants. Because of this one fine day I ended up in a huge fight with her due to which she stopped talking to me for months together. She's the only one in my family with whom I'm free to talk to or have fun and when she started ignoring me and treating me like i dont exist I went into a lot of depression where I couldnt eat how much I used to and found comfort in self harm. 

After a few months my aunt passed away, shes the only sister my mom had and that left a huge impact on her due to which I kept my griefs aside and started supporting her. Helped her in every way I can. I even let her walk into my room however she wants to, this time though she respected how I feel when someone walks in with slippers and she used to leave em outside and come in to sleep with me. Things cooled down between us and we finally became really close to each other.

Until today....

Like I mentioned I still have that OCD with floors and I neatly swept and tidied up my room. My room has a small balcony which is always quite dusty because of the blowing winds. I swept off that area too because i didnt want any dust blowing into my room. (We used to have a maid but because of COVID my dad stopped letting em in). So, as she wanted to wave goodbye to my cousine who was leaving to his place she came into my room to go to the balcony. I was already losing my calm, but still since I love her and didn't want to hurt her I just complained to her how i just swept the room and she entered the balcony with slippers now when she walks back in my floor will catch that dust. I wasn't making a big deal out of it, I was just having a casual talk. she stepped onto the mat rubbed her slippers to it to leave the dust so that she wont spoil the floor. Instead of walking out, she started stomping all over the cloth that I sit on. Like I sit there all the time! at times with full pants and at times with shorts that means my skin too makes contact with that cloth. she literally stamped all over that cloth, how am I supposed to react? All the frustration that I pent up for months burst out together. I couldnt say anything to her because no matter how much I say she doesnt understand so I started hitting myself infront of her and started crying cause if i said anything it'll hurt her. And in return she started shouting at me saying I should give more importnce to people than floors, I take care of only my room, I dont do anything for the family etc.....

I dont know what to do, I just can't sop crying.....
What do I do? She'll start ignoring me like before again....

Family

It feels weird and overwhelming to write down something I have not spoken to anyone about. Nothing seems to come in my mind now as I am writing. All I can think about is how alone I am. All my life I had few friends. In school, people never included me in their groups but everything was different in college. I had a great group of friends but once you start learning people you lose friends too. I don’t know whether I am making any sense or not. I am in college now. Final year. No friends. Alone. So alone that I have stopped going to college as I will be the only one who will be lonely there while everyone has friends. I have started to think the problem is in me. But I have never been rude to anyone nor do I speak ill about people behind their back. So why me? Why is it me whom no one likes?

Lonely

I want love in my life I am completely broken 

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