Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

HI
I FEEL WORTHLESS, FAILED, AND STRESSED ALL THE TIME. THERE ARE THINGS I WANT TO ACHIEVE IN MY LIFE AND I GOT 2 CHANCES STILL I MESSED IT UP PRETTY MUCH. I JUST FEEL LIKE I AM A FAILED DAUGHTER, SISTER. I FEEL ENRAGED, ANGRY, SAD SO MUCH. DURING THIS COVID LOCKDOWN, I GAINED TOO MUCH WEIGHT AND ALL I USED TO DO ALMOST 8 TO 10 HOURS OF THE DAY WAS -STUDY. I PUT ON WEIGHT AND STUDIED A LOT STILL DIDN’T GET WHAT I WISHED FOR (THE MARKS) . I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STRAIGHT A STUDENT AND DURING THESE PAST 2 YEARS I STARTED HAVING THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, FEELING LOW OFTEN. I PUT A FAKE LAUGH EVERYDAY. WAKING UP EVERYDAY FEELS FORCEFUL TO ME. I JUST WISH FOR ONCE THAT MY LIFE GOES AS I WISH FOR! I FEEL WORTHLESS BECAUSE I STUDIED BUT STILL DIDN’T DO WELL AND ALL I DID WAS PUT ON WEIGHT. I FEEL INSECURE IN MY OWN SELF. I HAVE BREAKDOWNS FREQUENTLY AND FEEL LONELY.I USED TO BE AN EXTROVERT PERSON BUT NOW I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SOCIALISE BEFORE HAVING A THOUGHT OF WHAT THE OTHER PERSON MAYBE THINKING ABOUT ME. I HATE THESE FEELINGS. I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO GO STRAIGHTFORWARD ACCORDING TO MY EXPECTATIONS FOR ONCE!! EVERYTHING’S HURTING RN😖😖😖😖😩😩😩😭😭😭