Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

hi again!
i had a really bad childhood, so my mind to make me feel good or avoid my feelings, i got addicted to movies and series, and the issue is that i started imaginig myself as if i was living in those movies… whenever i start to remember what happened to me i completely start imagining, then when i started going to high school i started to enter the real life, i first did some mistakes, i had my first boyfriend ever, i was excited for being in a relationship, even thou i were insecure about myself because of my past (i was raped by my cousin and teacher)
so i never been on a date with him so had a distance relation, he didn’t like the way our relation was. he’s the kind of guys whose dks controlls him, so he started cheating on me with other girls. when i found out i left him of course, yet still i was hurt and i started to have panick attacks and started to have depression and anxiety, i pushed myself to the corner i stopped talking or laughing, i lost my appetite, and then after a year and half of deep depression, i started living my life as i thought, then once i had another panick my brother’s wife lost her baby, and blamed me for that as if i was the one who scarred her for having a panick attack, as if i wanted that. other problems in the familly affected me really bad, i graduated from high school , i built my personnality then i fell for another guy who cheated on me with his friend, and he had the guts to me introduce her to me, i trusted him but he turned me down, i felt like a bch with low standards, i became depressed again, i started to have trust issues, till now i don’t believe what people saying, and now i don’t know what do i feel, i mean i don’t figure out my deep feelings, i feel stuck i can’t move on without knowing the issue in me , i’ve done tests of mentall health, i have a severe depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar disorder… i’m confused of what i’m dealing with, thanks God i didn’t quit this life sooner, i want help! the thearpist we have here are trustless, shitty society! if anyone know anything how to overcome all this please! help!