Hey, um, I’m still very new to this app but I need to let out emotions. I’ve been living with a family that I consider to be very toxic but to them, they think they’re doing the right thing when it comes to me. For a while, I used to think like that but as years passed by, I realized how wrong they are. I am very anti-social so I don’t usually come out of my room, I just go out when it’s time to eat. My dad separated from my mom and now she’s a single parent. So at a young age, my family was already fucked up. He would scold my mom and my older sister at random times and at random reasons. So just last year she legally separated from my mom. But my mental health started to deteriorate because I kept bottling my feeling ever since I was a child. I have a baby nephew and I hope he won’t grow to be like me. I have no friends at school and would have acquaintances from time to time. My family would get me to exercise because I was too fat when I don’t feel comfortable when exercising. I cried one time when the exercise was so tiring and they scolded me for crying. How am I not mad at them for doing this to me. I know when people reading this post won’t feel the same shit but I just want to go away from this place I call home. Just 2 years ago I came out of the closet and my mom has expectations of me to be good at everything because she thinks that being gay is taboo to her. I sometimes would scratch my skin until it would be red and blood would come down from it (this is just an exaggeration). I don’t want to live with my dad but my mom is being super intrusive at my privacy. She would come to my room without knocking and that scared me. If I were to do that to her she would be mad but it’s okay to do that to me? She was my best friend back then, but now she’s someone out of my life. So, um, I’m sorry if this post was a bit long to read.
Never apologise for letting your feelings out. We are all her to look after you. I don’t understand all you’ve been through but I am so so sorry for all the hell that you live with. Your family sounds nasty and like a really rough place to live. Try explaining to your mum what you’re going through. Get her to understand that this is serious and you need a caring and considerate mum, not someone who ignores privacy. As for the exercise; that is utterly horrible and I wish it never happened to you. As long as you’re health (and over exercising isn’t healthy) and happy that’s all that matters! You’re beautiful, inside and out if you have a good soul, an you have a good soul. Take deep breathes. Please don’t hurt yourself. i know sometimes it happens but please try to look after yourself. If you need to talk, I’m here for you :)
Thank you so much!!!
Hi, first of all, please don’t feel sorry. Because apparently you need to let your feelings out, like we all do. I don’t know if this sounds too weird for you but I can’t help it to feel like give a hug to you. I sort of understand how you’re feeling, not totally but pretty much. My family is like that, too. They’re so toxic that they don’t even notice what they’re doing wrong for all this time. As time passed by, I understood their reasons, at least my mom’s reasons. But my dad… I cannot forgive him. I understand your feeling about living in that kind of place, not having friends and being pushed for something that you don’t want to. But believe me, you’re not alone in this. Even if it seems like that, you’re not alone. You just need some time to create your own space for yourself. Maybe going to college, maybe something that pushes you to get out of that house you know but you’re gonna find your own safe place someday, somehow. What I’m gonna say for you about this, is trying to make small changes in your life maybe helps you to feel good. Starting with baby steps to find what motivates you about your future. About your mom, what she is doing wrong and cannot be appreciated but try to talk to her. You can’t break her taboos but at least talking will help you to break the ice between you.
I’m sorry if I said anything that could possibly hurt you. Hope I didn’t say something like that. But one day you’re gonna create the life you want, I know these feelings won’t pass easily but they aren’t gonna stick with you as long as you want to get rid of them and I believe someone as brave as you can overcome this. Please don’t hurt yourself, okay? I’m so sorry for the things were this hard for you but I’m here for you if you wanna talk about it. Whenever you want you can talk to me as long as you’re okay with it, remember you’re not alone and you won’t be alone. You’re so brave and give yourself a little time whenever you need a break 🌈🌸
Thank you so much!!!
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