I am in a weird state of mind since last few years. I never felt my family is supportive since my childhood. I had a bad past, i was sexually assaulted by a guy when i was 18, i had a bad relationship after that where my ex used to get physical violent on me everytime we got into an argument i got out of that toxic relationship but I couldn’t trust a man ever in my life after that. I got into severe depression for two years and then i decided to do something for myself, i decided to become independent, become a stronger girl, earn and get a respectful position, i did but in this race i still felt a void inside my heart, i feel i am not happy, i feel lonely, i keep myself engaged to not feel so, talk to people, and always be kind to them, i try to motivate people who have even gone through the same, but at the end of the day i feel vulnerable too, i don’t know how to respond to my feelings anymore. Some times i feel is it because of my family issues or my past, that i have become so numb in my life now.
I might not know all the details that have happened in your life but I want to say is that I have been there. My family didn’t support me in going to college and neither did anyone else. I was abused mentally a lot in previous relationships as well but not physically. I’m sorry that you have had to go through this but I know you are a strong person to get through it. I’m sorry that you feel numb and trust me I’ve been there. The one piece of advice that I can give you is to be happy. No matter how hard it is to smile and how many bad things happen around you, try to smile your way through. If you are feeling alone, I know this is an anonymous place but I could give you my snapchat to make sure you have someone to talk to. It is never great to be alone in these situations and I want to make sure you are okay. I’m sure you are an amazing person but you have to be able to see your greatness too. Self love goes a long way.
I just want to say that time gonna heal you and this phase will end soon! Start getting the better version of you every day ! No one can stop you. My prayers are with you! Incase you ever feel like you want someone to talk or listen your stories you can ping me firstname.lastname@example.org