Neeti @neeti13
Hello,
I hope you all are doing well.
I am reaching out here because I don’t feel okay. I can’t understand my thoughts but I will try my best to put it into words.
Every day, waking up is scary. I just don’t feel like facing the world. I am filled with anxiety at the thought of waking up and having a long day ahead.
I just want to sleep forever and never face the world again, but I can’t pinpoint a reason why. I constantly cry myself to sleep, but I don’t know why.
I don’t have many friends to whom I can talk to, but even maintaining contact with my few friends seems like a task. I try going out or talking to people online (have am amazing group of friends there) but still feel extremely lonely, even with people around.
I have so much work to do, so many ambitions, yet everything looks futile to me. I am still a student, was once a topper, but I just cant look at my books now. So much so that I am afraid I failed my last exam. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything, all my loved ones, all my achievements and moving far far away. Sometimes I feel this is only possible through death, and maybe I want it.
No, I haven’t actively attempted suicide and I don’t have the courage to. But I wish something would happen to me and I would die, so my parents won’t have to deal with the pain of me killing myself. But these are only thoughts, and I have never acted on them.
I can’t bear this loneliness anymore. I keep crying, and feel life isn’t worth living. Afterall I have to die someday, then why should I live? What’s the use of doing anything if it will all go away someday?
Please help. I can’t deal with the anxiety anymore. The anxiety of simple facing a day, the anxiety of waking up. I don’t even feel hungry anymore.
I will appreciate any help. Thank you.
