Hello all,
I have a very weird addiction which I am not able to come out of.
I am an Indian living in the US in the 30s.
Married with kids.
I go to online chatting websites where I can chat in my mother tongue and then chat with guys who agree to verbally abuse me.
When I hear them verbally abuse me, I feel very very excited.
I enjoy it.
Not sure if this is healthy or unhealthy.
or safe or unsafe.
Please let me know your thoughts.
Simran @st1199
Hi!
What exactly do you mean by “verbally abuse”?
using all kinds of cuss words in tamil, degrading me, attacking my manhood, dragging family in in using cuss words… basically treating me like a piece of sht or btch… this excites me a lot and I am liking it.
Simran @st1199
I don’t think you should like these kinds of things because it questions you and your family.
Please, lookup is this something related to mental problems or not because honestly, this is the first time I am listening to something like this, and liking it is my area of concern.
I don’t understand how it questions about my family.
This has been happening for several years and I don’t see any harm to others since the chat is all anonymous. I feel it is a small addiction. I chat with a stranger over hangout for about 5 to 10 minutes 2 or 3 days once and feel excited when they verbally abuse me. I don’t know why I am enjoying this. But I see it as not impacting my work or life. since it takes up very less time and is not impacting anything else. But my concern is, is this any mental issue. I do not see any other symptoms. rest of my life is normal and happy. Hence I am confused, if this is ok to conitnue as long as it doesn’t impact my life or anyone else’s life.
Simran @st1199
Not literally family but you mentioned using “family in cuss words”. By that I mean, despite you no one else should use it in any manner nor entertain it.
I am not aware of what kind of mental issue it could be if it’s one. Have you researched online about it? Because according to me it should be related to something and not normal especially if you are going to enjoy it for a long-term purpose.
I tried to find online, but couldn’t find anything. that’s why I am surprised.
this is not impacting anyone else and giving me joy and excitement for that period. I don’t know if it is related to low self esteem… I don’t know I am not able to judge. I have a secret cross dressing habit as well. Not sure if it is tied to that.
Simran @st1199
Maybe talk to a professional about it and they will be able to tell you? Someone who in general talks about mental health and they would have the idea about it.
Meanwhile, I’ll try to research it and come back to you as soon as possible.
What does secret cross-dressing mean?
Secret cross-dressing means, I secretly wear female clothes and put makeup like a female… but I do that secretly…
thank you very much for trying to help me…
Simran @st1199
Okay. So, you love it, or just trying to explore that side?
Hey, no problem! I had been busy, I shall get back to you if I see anything relevant. 😀
to be frank, I am trying to explore, but don’t have the courage to say anything … I have secretly met with american guys here in the US as well to played with their private parts while I am cross dressed like a female. I feel so good when I cross dress. But again all this is very discreet.
Simran @st1199
Hi!
I could not find exactly what it should be called or why does someone likes it, but came up with 2 names. Just check does it matches with your thing or not.
1. Masochistic behavior
2. Sadist
For the cross-dressing part, is it because you wanted to have fun sexually with men and explore the whole manhood side, and do you wish to live like that as well considering you have a wife at home? Do people know you actually are not a man? Have you told this to your wife yet?
Transvestism- search for this and see does it matches your interest or not.
Thank you very much for the response…
Me enjoying the humiliation is one of the characteristics of sexual sadism. Not physical but enjoying physcological suffering by humiliation.
wow, you are awesome. thanks… But is this something to treat or I just need to stay safe?
Regarding cross dressing, it might be related to that interest in humiliation I guess. But what I usually do is I chat with american guys online and then if they have a private place, then I go to their place dress up as a girl and then give them a hand job or a safe blow job (with flavored condom) . I seem to like that. I don’t know if it is related to the humiliation liking.
but I seem to enjoy giving blow jobs. I don’t know if I am a man or woman or transvestite or just cross dresser… its simply confusing… but this is something that my wife doesn’t know. I have been secretly doing this for several years now.
Simran @st1199
Yes, then it’s not considered as a disorder yet but is considered somewhat as to mental thinking and how we perceive ourselves and it can lead to anxiety/stress in the long run which is not a good thing.
If it’s been several years, how can you keep on cheating with your wife who has been there for you and believes you are only her’s. You have kids who look up to you, is this how you be a Role Model? Your life is not just yours but your wife and children as well. It could have been yours if you were a bachelorette. It’s high time you need to make a decision or come out to your wife about this whole thing. It is slowly becoming an addiction to cross-dressing and this too can lead to serious impacts in later life.
Regarding sexual sadism, I agree on a long run it might affect mentally, but I feel my urge to do these are getting reduced. so I am guessing my frequency would reduce on these chats soon…
But regarding cross dressing and having discreet one time fun with guys is more addictive. I don’t know if I can categorize this as cheating. I have always been there for her and will be always. I understand if my wife comes to know if it, I would feel ashamed. It did happen once several years back. after first child birth, she was sleeping in bedroom. I came out in middle of night and wore her bra and panty and was chatting online on video with a guy, she woke up and came into room and saw me… I somehow managed to explain that it was get her smell since we were not having sex at that time… this happened several years back, after that I have been very careful to be safe and also not let my wife be aware of this. I don’t feel this is cheating. I feel like I am doing something of my passion without affecting my relationship with my wife. also all my blow jobs are totally discreet and it doesn’t mean anything. as you said it is just that humiliation that I am treated like a female, and it is as if someone humiliating me that I am not a man… feels good for me. so I don’t see this as cheating… but as you said, if my kids come to know of it, it would be a problem. so I should stop this as well, but I think after a certain age other guys wouldnt want to see me cross dressed and hence this would automatically stop say in about 4 or 5 years…
Hence I would try and slowly reduce that as well… I just wanted to share this with someone and felt really good… thank you very much… if you would like to stay in touch with me then please do so at ramesharvindusa2020 at gmail dot com. I would be happy to update on my progress on reducing such activities.
Simran @st1199
It’s totally up to you how you want to carry it forward. But remember you are only looking into your convenience and not your family’s. Once it will be stopped it will be normal but it will not because the addiction doesn’t go like that. It needs to be processed and looked into.
You being there for her doesn’t mean it’s right to do what you are doing with your wife. What if she supports or at least helps you out and understands your urge.
Maybe talk to her about this sexual sadism. It’s not wrong in having it but it can lead to serious afterward and your wife will feel sad I guess as to why she didn’t know about it.
I’ll ask for an update for sure! Thank you😊
