Asfiya @asfiwho
Having abusive parents, you learn to only care about things in secret. Liking things openly becomes unsafe, because your parents notice, and itโs the first thing theyโll take away from you the second they need to blackmail you. After a while it only feels safe to not care about anything, to not want anything, and to not be attracted to anything, because then it canโt be used against you, they canโt use it against you. You have to be apathetic if you donโt want to be openly vulnerable to abuse. Eventually you learn to hide everything from everyone. Even your friends donโt find out about it. Every pleasure feels like guilty pleasure, like youโll pay for it later. Your entire life becomes a secret that feels too dangerous to anyone.