For anyone going through experiences of dealing with narcissistic personalities, i truly feel you. I feel your pain, frustration and helplessness at being gaslighted, manipulated and played with. Your emotions are not frivolous and as much as the situation gets confusing, i want to be courageous enough to leave the situation. Do not think of it as defeat. The more you remain in, the more it sucks you in like a quicksand. For your sanity and health, leave.