For anyone going through experiences of dealing with narcissistic personalities, i truly feel you. I feel your pain, frustration and helplessness at being gaslighted, manipulated and played with. Your emotions are not frivolous and as much as the situation gets confusing, i want to be courageous enough to leave the situation. Do not think of it as defeat. The more you remain in, the more it sucks you in like a quicksand. For your sanity and health, leave.
it is so difficult to figure out the signs, because initially you just think that it is a phase within you or in your relationship … it takes so long to understand what actually going on…i had to do so much reading online, to figure what is happening …but yes, leave for your sanity, you are not being wrong or selfish , " It’s important to remember that narcissists aren’t looking for partners; they’re looking for obedient admirers. Your sole value to the narcissist is as someone who can tell them how great they are to prop up their insatiable ego. Your desires and feelings don’t count." i found this very helpful for me to understand. and even the 9 signs, i will share this link also here in case that may help somebody https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm/
After years of being made to feel insane, of being an emotional wreck, and dragged in and out of addiction (currently in, thanks to him), I’ve finally found that this is the explanation for the inexplicable horror I’ve been through. For the last
18 months, everything was calm and stable between us, because we were clean, we had our second child, and most importantly, we were still living with family. I honestly believed that I had imagined all of the horrible things he put me through, or that his behavior was due to the drugs, wven though that didn’t explain many things that happened. A couple of months after being in our own home, I suspected he was using, but of course, he lied, and I was so desperate to believe it that I did. And then Covid-19 happened, and I was home, and there was no denying it then, and although I had totally lost the desire to use for 2 years, I cracked under the pressure of being isolated from the world, and isolated in my own home. I began using as well, and he wasted no time in ripping off the happy facade that I was clinging to, and pathetically believed again. This time around, I have more self-esteem, and more self-awareness, so I stood up for myself, and even left for a day, but I was forced to come back to pick up our child, and of course my vehicle broke down. He sweet talked me, I fell for it, got comfortable for a few days, and then he began to have his friends and family over non-stop using drugs at our home, and then leaving me alone with the children while they go out all night long. A couple of days ago, he had his buddy bring his current fling to our house, but she was so uncomfortable being in the same space as his wife and kids, that she left abruptly. At first he punished me for this, but realizing his supply had left, he turned friendly soon after. To a normal person, all of this drama sounds insane; I’ve lived it for years, and I still can’t believe our lives are really like this, so how can I possibly get help? I’m quite in my right mind, albeit furious, but it’s true that I’ve been coping with drugs. I have no friends who could bare to stick around, and no family I trust to share this hell with. I have a counselor for recovery, but if I confide in them about my partner, I’ll have to tell them about my relapse before he does, and they’ll be required to report me. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I know through experience that the longer I wait to speak up, the less likely it is that I will, but I’m so afraid, and so alone, and I just need ONE person to throw me a rope, before this ship sinks with me on it.
Allow me to be that one person to let you know that just because there aren’t people around you doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Your life and your reality is yours. The difference is that you’re trying to change your life for the better. To give yourself, and perhaps your children a better experience than what you have to go through. His presence is probably that trigger in your life that you don’t need. And I guess you don’t really need my advice, because you know what to do.
Just don’t feel disheartened if you don’t have people right now. Not everyone has the ability to stick around when the going gets tough. Doesn’t mean you need to worry about it. You just need to build your own community, your own support. Try exploring other avenues, new kind of people, that you have never met or interacted with before. Try AA meetings, if they work. Just don’t stop looking. People can really surprise you, life can really surprise you, you know?
Not a lot of people are worth the effort, but some people really are the rock, and you’ll find them in the process of your self-discovery.
Let this be a caring process for YOU. Allow yourself to do good things for YOU. Figure out if you can move out, start your life afresh. Try to pull yourself out of this, you can do it. It might be hard, it might drive you crazy, but you’re going to be so glad and so proud of yourself for pushing yourself to give yourself the good life you deserve.
And, you’re not alone, because I’m here for you. I will start checking my Now&Me account every day. Whenever you feel like you’re going to relapse, or doing something that your better judgement would not want you to do, just tell me here in this thread.
Don’t worry love, it’s all going to be okay someday. It does get better, no one knows when. But in my experience, when you keep trying to do something, it does eventually end up happening. ❤️💛❤️
Gaurvi Narang @gaurvinaran...
True. We must understand what is emotionally exhausting us because we might not even know it. It is so important to put yourself first.