Get your first web chat for FREE!🎉

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

share your deepest feelings and emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

⚕️Depression

🧑Anxiety

😰Stress

💗Relationships

RelationshipsThought

@anshika

Boyfriend issues
I have been in a relationship from past 7 years
Initial 6 years we were living seprately. Now from past 1 year i live with him.
My concern is about him hitting me. this has happened 6-7 times in last one year whenever we have a fight.
I speak harsh words to him sometimes i m wrong, sometimes he also speaks bad to me
I accept i may not be right but instead of giving time to me to understand his point
He hits me grabs me…thows objects in house which threatens me that i should not live with me…
He promises me each time he wont repeat this
But it has been repeated many times…
I am scared of living with him
Because i feel doing mistakes and arguing is part of a relationship
But hitting someone everytime is it right?
Yesterday i had an arguement with him in which i spoke harsh words about his mother in half an hour his anger grew that he hitted me to bed and grabbed and pushed me…
Later on he said i didnt hit u and apologized
He does this everytime
Some one out there please tell what should i do
I m not ready anymore to live with him

7 replies
@roisnz123

Hey anshika, although I am not an expert, I know that hitting, throwing and hurting each other is not healthy especially if it is prolonged or reoccurs. I have heard that you tried talking it out but it ended in an argument which led to the use of violence. Although it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to the first time try talking to him again, when both of you have cool minds and are not in the middle of doing anything important. If one of you is angry then listen then acknowledge the fault and explain why you resorted to that sort of reaction. Slowly explain to him and don’t say anything harsh, keep calm and be sensitive to his reactions and act accordingly: if he acts hostile listen, once you think he has vented it out explain. Keep this going until it is all cleared up. IF you can’t take it anymore, take a small break from each other to cool down. Once your ready talk to him, explain why you did it, listen to his explanations and do what you think would be best for the both of you. Hopefully this helps you in anyway! Take care of yourself and stay safe 😊

@anshika

Hey thanks a lot

@thasni

Same here…but he hurt me without any reason…at least he apologized you for the mistakes…but in my case he couldn’t say any word… yesterday he injured my head my mouth my shoulder s…even my private area…I can’t talk any word to anyone…even my parents…I don’t know what to do…

@ash

Dear God, why aren’t you asking for legal help sweety! Talk to your parents, they love you they would support you. They didn’t raise you to get beaten up by someone just like that.
Seek some legal help with your parents’ help or anyone from your friends who can help may be? Hope you are alright.

@palayogith

hey thasni ,
ash is right u need to seek some legal help if not ur parents atleast with someone who is close to you because In anshika case it is different they had a relationship for years and their fights used to begin with their own arguments but in u r case it is not like that harming a person that to a woman on her private parts is not at all correct …!
if u still feel that no one is there to help you out I am here , u can text me anytime .
hope u will be doing great ,
take care .

@ash

Hey Anshika,

Sorry to hear about your situation. As you mentioned that you both were living separately, it is natural that you both may not know the true personality of each other. The thing is when we are talking to someone over the call or only meeting them occasionally, we only present the best version of ourselves because we want the other person to like us. That’s natural.
Think of it, he didn’t know that you can be harsh with words when you are upset. You didn’t know he gets physically abusive when he is upset. You only got to know more about each other when you started living together. This is you two getting into the comfort zones and being yourself. You have mentioned that you keep saying harsh words to him and the same goes for him when he says he won’t hit you but ends up doing it anyway. If you both can sit down and talk it out and work things, that may help. But as you said this behaviour is repetitive. You see a pattern here? Ask yourself, can you imagine living your whole life like this? Can you see your children getting raised in a toxic environment? You know it better than anyone else dear.

I know 7 years is a long time and your attachment to him is probably very strong but you know what’s longer and painful? The decades that are yet to come where you’ll be dealing with the same person! You are brave to acknowledge your fault of speaking harshly. This is something you can work on yourself and become a better version of yourself. So your next relationship will be healthier.

I personally think that hitting, throwing things, using mean words to hurt each other is really toxic and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere around such people.
Talk it out to him when he is calm. Don’t try to push to make this the best love story out there, we all try to do it. If your heart says “Run Away”, it’s mostly right. Stay strong and remember it’s a big world and life, make the best one for yourself. You deserve to be with someone who respects you.
If it helps look for Mathew Hussey on Youtube. He posts relationship advice which can help you evaluate your relationship.
Take care!

@anshika

Hey ash
Thanks a lot for ur advice

Feeling Stressed?

Download Now&Me

The free mental wellness app for peer support, expert advice, and daily inspiration.

Feel Better Now
blog_cta_image