An overwhelming sadness that doesn’t seem to have an end. It’s not depression. It’s worse. A sense of indifference that’s all pervading. I can’t feel a sense of joy. I’m anxious for no reason. Is it because the people around me are fearful about their families and the deaths that are happening? Or is my mind playing tricks? I need to vent out my feelings loud. I talk to my friends and time seems good, as it would be before COVID times. Once the call ends, I get gloomy. No amount of browsing or watching YT videos are of any help. I feel lonely even when I am around people, people who are my dear friends, who support me morally and emotionally. Things are looking bleak. I’ve become like a headless chicken trying to find a way where nothing is seen. Talking helps but only temporarily. What is the solution? On the outside, I am a strong person. People depend on me. On the inside, there’s this devil that slowly gnawing at my soul. I don’t want to just exist. I want to live. I want to experience the miracle of life. It just isn’t happening. Everyday I pray for happiness. It’s becoming more and more elusive. Am I not thinking the right way? What is the right way of thinking and living?
Hey. I don’t think there’s a right way of living and thinking.
But changing the way of your thoughts and the direction of your thinking can help.
It’s normal to feel anxious and lonely during this time. We’re going through a global pandemic.
Maybe try finding something that you’re interested in. Something that you can channel all those emotions to. Try journaling all of your thoughts. It feels better once they’re out in the open.
Find joy in the little things.
Thank you.
This is what I do. Journaling. There was a time when it ended all my sorrows. But words don’t flow freely now. I’m unable to put into words what I feel.
I tried gardening too. After a week, I couldn’t bring myself to water the plants and had to ask my family member for help. Everything seems interesting in the beginning and then loses all the joy.
I am becoming like Meursault of The Stranger.
Hope is what I cling to and mindfulness helps a bit.
Thank you for taking time to reply. This must be the highlight of my day. To have someone empathize with me.
Your words don’t necessarily need to flow freely. Okay, so what I do is I take a plain paper and I just scribble. All my anxiety, my frustrations, everything. I don’t know if that’s good, but it makes me feel better.
And it’s okay if you lose interest or you don’t find joy in that anymore. You’ll find something else. Just hang in there. Don’t lose hope. And make an effort to make yourself feel better. It’s not an easy road. But it’s definitely worth it. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Also, do you read?
You sound like my soul sister, she advises me the same way you do. Yes, I shouldn’t beat myself up too much.
Yes, I read. Quite a lot. Do you have any record that’s easy flowing and stays for long?
Recommendations*
Oooh I started reading the Alchemist recently. And damn ,it gives you a lot to think about.
What kind of books are you into???
