25 yr old man here…
Bit of flashback----
My father passed away when I was 4 and I had to live with my grandparents while my mother worked in another city to support us.
Once when I was 6-7 yrs old I went to her during my summer vacations and one day while my mother was out for work I was to be babysitted by my landlord, usually it was the landlady but that day she had some work of her own so she couldn’t and her husband was free and at home so he took up on the job.
He told me about sex, showed me porn on his phone and masturbated in front of me. I have been traumatized since and I was so much shocked at that point of time that I didn’t told mum. And now after around 20 years later, on my last birthday he called up casually to wish me and all the things that I had somehow repressed surfaced.
Due to that I abhorred touch of men may it be public places or closest of friends or literally any other male…
I can’t keep going like this…
StUnNiNg @zx
Still lots of children are screaming like this.
I sometimes feel like ending myself but at the end of the day I still have my mother to live for as she doesn’t have anyone besides me… But I seriously do wanna die and I even tried it once
Why should you be ended? It should be that disgusting person that should be ended.
Tell him to stay away from children the **** (lots of swear words)
I’d rather die then talk to him… Moreover I don’t even know whether he remembers what he did or if he even considers how it impacted my life
He knows what he did and you might not be the only one. I’m just so disgusted. Will you accept hug from a mom? hug
How are you feeling now?
Feeling like committing suicide rn
Noooooooooooooooooooooo
The guilty one is carrying on as nothing happened. Why should the victim endure endless suffering, it’s not fair.
Did you tell your mum?
At that point I couldn’t and now I can’t… I don’t want it to affect her life as well as she considers that guy as a friend and they occasionally talk to take updates of how everything is going. This will shatter her and make her feel that she couldn’t protect me…
Buddy, you can’t carry this burden alone. Have you shared with anyone?
I understand how your mum would feel, it’s a parent’s worse nightmare.
That’s why I installed this app… I’ve told my gf and she’s very supportive and everything but still she doesn’t understand the depth to which it affects me… And also I don’t like to talk about it like that
I hope this app can help in some way.
Ok, it’s good you have shared and totally right thing as the depth will be too upsetting for anyone that cares for you.
You seem like a really sensible and caring guy. Just take it day at a time.
Can you seek counselling?
I want to but I don’t know any good personal therapist
Sorry I don’t either, I’ve been given online ones, signpost, rethink, harmless and young minds. But they are based in England. Hope you find something.
My dear friend I am sorry for the things that had happened in the past.But you need to come out which is not at all easy but not immpossible.That day you are alone now you have mother to take care of. Be strong ,Today you poured it out and protect the girls around the way best you can.Be a role model .My prayers and best wishes for your future
