you know what i feel like im done with people. i used to put in a lot of effort in friendships, realized that im not getting the same energy back and hence i reduced my efforts and now it feels like they dont put in any efforts. and it fucking on earth kills to see them address like a hundered of people their bff and you are nowhere on the list. i dont know but i feel im losing friends i never had.  ik its weird... 


making friends and socializing isnt a prob, but seeing people with whom you used to feel like home, making you feel cold and deserted is the problem. 


Friends

I have no friends sometimes i get jealous of others how like enjoy the dayout and I think i belong to my flat walls 😞

3am Thoughts

i hate this friend oh godddddd

Hey idk there's always feeling that nobody love me, I have been there or them when they needed me but when I needed them the most, when My whole family was having covid postive , I had nobody with whom I can share my feelings, instead of supporting me many of them where trying to scare by saving , see that many people are dying n all shit.
Idk who is my true friend, where body just acts for being just a true friend 😌

im feeling sad i was happy that my friends and i got to ply together but then possum left and it was kinda weird rabbits lover or friend came and they fought then rabbit was telling me to come with them and they were kinda treating me like a dog and then they just talked with them and they just left me out and then they said they were leaving to a game and just left with out asking and the other 2 had already left and i was just all alone and i don't know what to do because they were the only thing that was making me happy and our friendship already seems broken and i fon't even know what to do im already stressed but when they came in my life i forgot about all my stress and felt so happy then they left and it all hit me and i don't know what to do 

Okayy so I had a friend a circle was super close to them met them in 11th before this I never had any close friend group or anything so was super happy and grateful to have found one .All things were going well for some while at least that's what I thought until one day I opened up and said that I am an attention seeking person and I need some kind of validation from  others and for that they judged me hard by saying that "ooh u want attention and large friend group ","you have changed " and what not. The following days it started getting worse I was not growing I was being super dependent on these people I had no social connections other than them cause I didn't try to cause I thought they'll be there for me forever.I was scared to lose them cause I had no other ppl other than them I was not being myself I went into this deep dark place in my life I even contemplated suicide cause I thought I was not worthy of them all them were super beautiful and pretty and I was the duff among them. Finally one day I gathered some courage and left the group ,the day I left the group everyone started bitching about me by saying that I said that ,this blah blah and conveniently left their part of them telling me the same thing agreeing to whatever I said .I was more than devastated when I heard what was happening . Now again i was alone back to square one I am healing now slowly but this incident has fucked up my anxiety I can't open my insta cause I'll see them hanging out together which cause  a breakdown for me cause I was never prepared for this but ig life's all abt these kind of situations were your not prepared for anything. Now at present the things I have learned from this is that nothing is constant in your life except you. Letting go of things may seem hard but it creates space for new things to happen. I have not healed from this cause anything that reminds me of them still cause a knot in my stomach. Those people were toxic and judgemental even I was but now since I am out of this group I feel free for the first time I have started to unlearn and  at the same time learn a lot of things. Since I was super depended on them it feels strange to not say each and every fucking thing happening in my life which is something I had to do even when I was not keen of doing the same cause I later I will be accused of not doing the same. See I am not saying I was right the all time fuck no I was also super toxic and negative on myself anything that happened in my life I had to point out the negatives always that I end up forgetting about the positive aspects about it, I was also super toxic so ig it was with the best interest of both us that this happened. 
But still I want to move on with my life keeping this aside I am aware that this will take time but I am not sure how to go about with this.. I am sorry my grammar and punctuation are all over the place but yeah I didn't want to disturb the flow.

I have some friendships that are nearly 15 years old. I'm grateful for them to stay with me till now. They have seen my different stages of life and literally witnessed me growing(physically and mentally) but may not have realised it. Thanks to them and many more friends that have been added to my life. My friendships are not very perfect. There are certain times i felt sad or lonely. But things get back and they are still where they have been, they got my back. Cheers to more years of friendship.

Is it me who is bad in friendship cause everytime my friends leave me

Today, I just realized the reality of friendship. Everybody might not be like that but up to this day, all the friends I had were fake. They never cared for me, did they? I was the one who listened and consoled them when they needed me. But no one was there for me. I motivated them and made them laugh? They didn't do anything when I needed them. I guess I'm used to it now. 

Hope anyone who reads this, have a good day!

xxx

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