You deserve something you don't have to question. You deserve someone who is sure about you.

Love

Eating puff after a longtime 😋 this makes me remember so many memories..

Self Love

we laughed we cried but it wasn't enough, I tried too hard to keep your love, but it was like it never mattered I know it was wrong but my heart wasn't strong cuz every time I tried to get it together it went off like a bomb & the lies would grow every time I got home. Cuz no matter how hard I tried I knew I couldn't survive. My parents didn't know and I wish I let you go. But your love was a drug and it was too late because I was addicted, so Fuck true love sex is enough right? That's what they say, isn't it? they lure you in the dead of night just to hit & quit before you all fight. But Fuck it, my life's in pieces, it's the pile of lies that came crashing down now I'm not mad its more of jealousy you see when I notice you with her it's like she's your everything, and I'm your side piece, why am I a Pisces cuz my emotions are wack sometimes my heart will crack and can't be fixed but ever since I met you life has been shit, I've lost their trust when they found out, but I lied to protect them because I was ashamed in all this fame, a disappointment is in reign, as queen because the more I sit in sorrow the more mean I can be, now I'm waiting on the day my parents see it wasn't my fault all of this is me being a rebellious teen. And they can't lie that they were angels because before you can fly you have to fall once or twice. And in a fright, if you have sex once in your life, your parents have the right to call you a whore, so my bad dad, sorry to be a bore but to fail you as your daughter must be a bother, next time you'll all bow down and hail the queen, because if I'm a demon as a teen just wait till the devil is free, now I'm not saying I'm perfect, hell that'll never be true, I'm just saying the truth, all this fucked up shit makes me sound like a bitch buy you gotta see it from my point of view all the fights and long nights got me scarred for life, I'm not sure if I'll make it through it cuz I'm barely 16 & had too many dreams. You gotta understand teens make mistakes no harm in that just take your time to talk back rather than misunderstand them, because there is no telling what they will do with their minds so underdeveloped, it's a dangerous game with the devil and they need some help up, off the ground, cuz scraping your knees after falling down is a pain that you can drown in a bottomless pit full of darkness, it's taking over now, and this devil needs a sacrifice here's some advice run as far as you can, and don't think twice. the more you stick around the harder shit gets so listen to me spittin this because in my next life I'm still gonna be a bitch, I'm a queen that don't need a ring to bring hellfire to the scene, parents are mean no need to be extreme if you wanna make it out alive you gotta be prepared to fight for your life, now I'm putting on my crown no backing down, my horns are out, and I'm rising up from the underground no rules for me I'm the devil's queen and now I'm free to be me.

Depression

You said you really loved me
And that you couldn't live without me
I believed it, so why do you want to break up now.
 What do I do with my remaining love for you
What do I do with my memories of you
What do I do if I miss you so much that I shed tears. 


One Sided Love

People deserve your whole heart and if you can't give them that, it's better they know.

3am Thoughts

I know we will never meet again you have gone and will never come back to India ...but u know what hurts, my heart still waits for you ...my heart still cannot understand that you don't care about me ...my heart still have the hope ...how do I stop thinking about you I don't know ..sometimes being loyal and truthful is a curse because you cannot moveon in your life like others...it's not your fault I misunderstood that you also like me but I was just ordinary girl for you ..I still wait for your message every morning I wake and check did you message..but no ...I want some peace for my mind and soul

Looks like I don't deserve anything...

Life

To C;
You hurt me. You ruined me, you've turned me into something gross that I never thought I would be. I haven't hurt anyone, but I get hurt. I'm not sure if it even hurts anymore. I guess I'm doing it to myself, talking to those people knowing it's a trap. My own form of twisted punishment. Thank you for what you taught me. But I hope that you hurt for a long time until you realize what you've done. What you've made me. Or is it more than me? There are likely others. I miss you, but my gosh do I hate you to high Heaven. Learn. And if you learn but don't change; then burn.

To A,
You broke me. You tore my heart apart year after year because you are younger than me there is no way we could be together. Then you kissed her. Why her? You could have kissed anyone else. You know I could feel it? That something was happening, going to happen that day? It was inevitable and I made peace with that before the moment came. I thought I had at least. The truth is, I don't understand you. Shouldn't I be awkward around you, not vice versa? You used to smile at me, laugh and tease and play fight and holy hell i loved you for it. Now you ignore me. You look at me like I'm not even there, you stare, it isn't fair. Here I go again, hurting for you, making songs and poetry and bleeding in my soul because of you it's always you. You. I don't know if I love you or hate you or just don't give a fuck. There tears I've cried over you are more than anything else I've cried over. You hurt me til i can't feel the pain anymore. I wish I could tell this to your face but I don't have the courage. Or maybe you don't have the courage to face me after you kissed my sister, ignored us. Left us for nothing. I'm not sure if you broke 2 hearts or 3. I always new there was something between you and her. But that doesn't stop the pain. You broke me. But I truly hope you're happy. I can't stand seeing you hurt, even after all you put me through. 

To O,
I never had the courage to say so, but I like you. I could never be with you because you hurt my friends, you loved one, loved my sister, assaulted 3 girls. You're a bad person but you don't understand that, you don't understand anything but your feelings. But I like you anyway and it hurts to watch you flirting with Imi. It hurts so damn much because not only are you hurting me but you're hurting my sister. She still isn't over you, you know. That's why she stayed by your side when you had no one. Not even Imi. But you still love her. Love. What is love but a bullet being fired by the one person you care most about aimed at your heart, that tears apart your soul.. I don't even know if i want you. Maybe I'm just jealous.

To Imi...
You're one of my closest friends... i love you... but I really really hate you. I'm so so sorry that I hate you and this whole thing reminds me so much about yr 6 how I got into this depressed mess in the first place but I can't stop. You have everything I've ever wanted without even trying... or even wanting it. I've fought with each breath to be happy, free, have a job, money, drivers license, for fucks sakes you're younger than me and have a car and I'm not allowed to learn to drive til my sister can!! You sleep, eat right, you do all the hardest classes, you're tall, skinny, and comfortable with yourself and you have many many friends and you can dance amazingly you do everything you want when you want because you can and everything you try you do well, you're in the hardest dance competition class while I still can't do my splits and don't have the money for competitions, my dream since i could fucking walk and you only started dancing a couple of years ago as a fun side thing and I just hate you!!!!!!!!!!!! 

But I don't. You're nice and kind and saved my life. You're my friend. I'm just a jealous bitch. I thought when I'd start recovering from depression I'd be less jealous but I'm not. I just get much angrier. How can you do it all? Why can't I too? Why can't we both do it together? Why am I always on the outside??

I know this is long. I'm sorry. But if anyone has anything to say to help me out, I'm listening. 

Jealous

Getting to those memories is the Worst thing is happening.....

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts