You deserve something you don't have to question. You deserve someone who is sure about you.

Life

You don't want me bs baat khatam.
It took me 2 years and I never felt so detached as I felt today. I did not have the urge to stalk you today. Idk what I did to deserve all of this, that you did not take a small effort just to talk to me. I know you didn't have any obligation to talk to me and chose not to. I'm ready to accept that you never liked me and I was an id iot to think that you liked me. You only liked V and now you're with A. Ugh! I've been so delusional and so hopeful these past years, idk what for. You never tried to reach me once after we got disconnected or after I told you how I felt for you. I'm releasing you. But I never liked someone more and I never will. I do miss you sometimes but that's okay ig. Bye bye. I hope my energy won't bother you , if it ever did by chance☺️

3am Thoughts

Hope is the hardest love we carry 💜🤍
what's your deal? i feel like you like me but next moment i feel like you don't. truth of the matter is i cannot keep doing this forever. i cannot keep zoning out every time i start thinking of you and my friend has to snap their fingers before me to come back to reality. i cannot keep checking if you have sent me something new even though we stopped talking long time ago; who knows, you might need to know my favourite color or my favorite bagel place in the city. i kneeled before my bed and promised last night that i will keep it casual but i cannot keep wishing for involuntary holding of hands when we cross the street in the same breath. i cannot keep being the only one wanting to see what this is. i understand going with the flow but my impatient heart doesn't. i am at a point where i don't even care anymore. i have a good heart that's all yours if you want it. so tell me what this is. i can wait for the day when we don't have to say goodnight over the phone and count down the days when i get to see you again but i need to know if we make it to the end of this story. you have to tell me what this is, if there is anything beyond intentional starts to a conversation at "ELEVEN" at night that dies down in "ELEVEN" minutes because they say hope is the hardest love to carry. i feel like i am waiting for something that isn't going to happen. 




Coming Out

Hope singlehandedly is one of the strongest factors than can
create magic🌺

Hope

Today is the day.. exactly one year before.. on this day.. I've found my world.. No matter you came in my life just as a friend.. but see now..I'm sorry that i didn't treated you good or how you needed to be treated.. i admit that i was not matured enough to love you.. but still you loved me so much.. and all i did was just hurt you.. from 1 year.. I'm all changed.. just because of you.. only for you.. thank you for holding me.. I'm very guilty for whatever i did to you.. if i could go back in time on same day as today.. I'll tell myself not to hurt you.. and to get out of that circumstances asap.. but now.. we do love each other so much.. but still i feel we have walls between us.. in this one year I've grown so much.. just because of you.. so thank you so much for creating this new me..

Hey it's been a minute, I don't even need to ask how you're doing I already know you're doing great I want to say congrats but I hate it. I want you to cry, I want you to hurt, I want you to feel guilty, I want you to be alone, is it bad of me to say that? I hate you but I still love you and I hate myself even more for not being able to say it, if I saw you now ill probably tear up and apologize instead. Sometimes I think you feel the same, I think you truly cared and loved me, sometimes I just think you hated me. You made me feel so small, wich is unlike me. You got the worst of me, what I've turned out to be its all your fault now my heart is filled with resentment, envy and hatred. How are you going to make up for the damage you've done? Is it my fault for never standing up for myself, for letting you treat me howaver you wanted, for falling for you and never telling you? I never ever would have thought we'd end up this way. Now you're out there smiling with your friends, shoving your relationship with your boyfriend all over everyone's faces. Wow, It's so crazy how the tables can turn against you overnight. Don't you at least feel a little bit bad? How can you look at me like that? I pretend I'm fine cuz I still got pride but it's so easy to see through me, everyone knows how lonely I am, how can you look at like I'm just anyone else? I always thought I was a step ahead but reality hit me in the head, turns out I'm not much and everyone wants you, not me. No matter what I do they'll always be by your side, the audacity people have and all bc of convenience. I'm so fucking stupid, how could I ever feel anything for you? And how could I allow you to treat me like shit just bc of it? And I know this is my fault as well bc I did distance myself from you without saying anything, maybe after all its all my fault my fears and insecurities made me lose everyone, ever since I can't stand myself being near anyone. But still, you didn't seem to be bothered, you never asked me what was going on, you did well without me. When that was you, all those many times that was you, I always came looking after you, why didn't you do the same? I was waiting for you to come to me. I guess I'm the only fool who goes around begging people that want to leave to stay, I should've seen it sooner. It had been a long time since you stopped caring. Now what do I do? Who do I tell?

Other

The resilience and strength within you to carry on will always surprise you.
My hope for you is that you don't take it for granted, work on yourself as much as you put effort and energy into other aspects of your life.

Life doesn't need to feel heavy and difficult. Healing and developing good coping mechanisms can help make difficult and heavy circumstances in life a lot easier to deal with.

#ThursdayThought #Healing

Do you agree?

Growing Up

I'm sorry J, I don't know today I just felt I've hurt you. I don't know from where that thought came to me but it did. I am sorry if I've hurt you ever. I should have stayed even if you did not like me back. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I've hurt you or not but its just a feeling that I did. Please talk to me once if I've hurt you please

FUCK YOU GIRL!! I trusted you so much, I believed u when u said u will pay me 9000 for a project we both had to pay for... I paid for both of us and now u have gone back on your word. I even tried to ask what's wrong but u left the group and accused me of being wrong, blamed me and abused me.  You even put an end to the bond of friendship we shared even when I said not to. You have hurt me both mentally and monetarily. I hate you. Not because you didn't repay me but because u broke my trust. Because of you I won't collab for any such thing in future even with people who are good. You gave me a lesson for a lifetime. Keep your shitty opinion about me in your own dumb mind you numb nut. Throw away your so-called "friendship and relationships matter" status in the trash bin. You are the most distorted personality I ever met. I could have let go of the money issue but the way you insulted my self-esteem is beyond repair. You burned all the bridges for discussion. Fuck you. I never thought you will use me like this, that you will do this to a girl who trusted you so much. You have hurt me badly miss. I am not like those girls who forget... I will remember this... just don't ever try to be face to face with me in this life or I will trash your ego and self-esteem worse like you did. I will destroy you. I won't forgive this insult dear N. I will take my revenge. Just keep counting.
Go to hell you fucking dumb nut!! How I wish I could have more insults to say!! Wish you hell you egoistic asshole. FUCK YOU INFINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will take my revenge-on my own terms, when I would like and in my own unique manner. I was never like this but you forced me to. Go fuck yourself.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts