Y'all have ever had a crush on your cousin cuz he's fine ash, not like crush crush but like you find him very attractive so you just look at him to admire his beauty

NOOOOOOO, I was drunk yesterday so I told him that he's fine ash and that I like that he's so dominant like ughhhhh I even played with his hair, veins and hands

Ughhhh why me and why did I do that even if I don't regret it

Well she's my spirit ig but when I'm drunk

He was also measuring our hands cuz mine is smaller and I was like "just grab it"

I'm so unlucky to have that one fine cousin with the perfect face and body

Y'all he has been very attractive and even more since 2018

Confusion

random rant

I love the thought of psychical touch but when someone touches me I'm disgusted. maybe it's bc I don't like the people that touch me but I realized it's not it (btw I never initiate contact unless I stumble or smth) I always find something annoying when a person touches me like my friends who I like a lot hugged me but I found her scent annoying (not that she stinks it just bothers my nose), another friend touched my hand and it was too warm and icky for some reason idk why I always find ridiculous faults in ppl when they touch me but I always want to get hugged lol I'm my own problem :')

3am Thoughts

I had been raped two times in childhood I m a teenager now. I don't have the guts to speak about it to anyone. I have very strict useless parents who are terrible... I CANNOT EVEN THINK OF SHARING IT TO THEM..🙃 bruh I'm living with it here. That painn those thoughts kill me from within...

P.S : 😊 I think of ending up don't hve the guts to.... It's horrible

Harassment

it’s so weird when girls post with their cousins like it’s their man

When I was a child I wa ssexuallly assaulted, by my cousins. I wasn't even 10 at the time. In fear I strangled my self to fall asleep. It took months for it to stop. Because I was so young no one understood me or thought I was lying. I just learned my sister ha did worse than I did being a year older. My dad was assaulted as a child as well but that doesn't make me less scared of him. He's a touchy playful person who love spherical affection but I cnat tell him why I truly hate it. My mom Said it's normal and she was assaulted too when she was young. I pushed these memories way down until I got my first boyfriend. I kept getting flash backs and had I don't wanna say ptsd but vivid dreams of the memories. I would instead do talking to him about how I felt went home and got "depressed" but no actually. O wanted to push last the emotions so I didn't control what we did, we pushed it to far. Keeping with in standards ( no sex or anything like that ) but after a while o saw similar traits and movements he did that were the same as my abuser. Like holding my throat, neck, back of my head when we kissed,along on my shoulders and holding me and sleeping my hand tightly around others in public. K got scared and made up bs when I broke up with him. Later I had to go to the funeral of the only man who believed me about the assult when I was young, my uncle. I had to watch my cousins be happy and all is nated was for their wives and girlfriends and know the truth but I couldn't. They were happy and past the situation but I was scared.  I brought a pocket knife with me every where that week and even when I slept to be safe. When I got hoem I told my ex the real reason caus ei thought he should know the truth. And only 1 friend. Because we broke up i have no friends at my school anymore, all of mine are at different schools. So I spend my days walking up, going to school on off periods spending my time alone. Sometimes crying, and then class and work. I joined the gym to be a little happier but it's making me sad that everyone is so much more athletic than me. My sister is my best friend and she hates me most days. And worse of all most of my other friends made more friends and usually forget about me. So i have my 2 best friends my sister and my other school friend who usually don't wnay to talk to me and the old guy friends I had that don't liek me anymore. Today I went running around the lake and ran into my ex and his new ( super model pretty) girlfriend. She's perfect and I'm not as pretty I'm sad and I started crying as soon as they left. I got home and was e.otionless. most days I feel empty and nothing. I left all group chats, all snap chat chats and Instagram to make my self feel better but it's not working. I cant kms because ei want to leave but honestly I'm no longer sure, i don't wnat to die but I need help and my family can't pay for therapy. Oh and on top of all of this I might have dyslexia and I can't speak clearly all the time which make sit hard ti get new friends and ofc makes my friends annoyed by me I feel. And lastly I got promoted to a newer harder position at a job I hat but no place will hire a 16 year old who's had no helpful jobs and my friends all work at most of the places in town and I dont want to see them. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just a walking shell? I feel dead in a living body and I can't stand it

Suicidal Ideation

is it normal for your heart rate to increase drastically when you hear your older brother? is it normal to get extremely scared when you hear his footsteps? is it normal to have nightmares about your brother? is it normal for your older brother to give you no privacy, check your phone, and choose what you get do to? is it normal for your older brother to limit your communication with people you love?

Family

Okay, I never thought I would share this. But here I am.
It happened like 1-2 years ago. I went to my cousin's house with my parents. We enjoyed ourselves a lot had a great time there. My cousin( boy) and I are close to each other since childhood. In the afternoon, we ( me and him) were reading comics and being tired I fell asleep. Later I felt someone's hand on my body. I for sure knew it was him. I froze and wasn't able to do something ( which I regret till now also .. Should have punched him on his face ). thanks to my younger brother(sibling), who came in time . Well, he didn't know what happen.I have not told this to anyone not even my parents ..Now for some XYZ reason , he is gonna stay at our house . Tell me what to do ?? I know im gonna traumatised after looking at his face. 

Spending time with cousin is good but staying up all night and that too with cousin is the best 🤟🏻

Happy

It's been 2yrs long I didn't talk to my cousin.Should I start talking to my cousin bro after  he knows what I felt for him (crush) .it's  awkward situation. I used to give him tips how to attract girl. I used to teased him she is BHABHI.but it's me who is attracted toward him behind him back even 
  after knowing he is bro.
I didn't tell him but I think he knows by checking my phone.he is not talking to me.i dunno wat shud tell .I don't feel for him now .. how to face him.what I shud I say. Will he forget forgive about it .as it's  2 yrs ago.
How to talk to him ..and what will I say.if he ask.


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts