Why should a person like X live?
X is 30 years old and unemployed for over a year now. He was also unemployed for two years when he quit his first job. After a gap of two years, he got selected in a Masters program. His Masters in Technology degree ended last year and earned him a good GPA. He has been unemployed ever since. He has tried applying for some jobs but to no avail. He shudders at the sound of his phone’s ringtone now. He did get a couple of calls for interview but he made some excuse and got out of it. Firstly, he’s shit scared of interviewing and secondly he’s not preparing for them. He just refuses to put in the effort to study and prepare for any interview. This unpreparedness adds to his fear.
X is really shy, introverted, anxious, pessimistic, and an overthinker. He has no idea what he should do in life and has no real interests unless you call watching movies/TV and playing video games as interests(he doesn’t). He has never been in love, never been in a relationship, never experienced any intimacy. He only has a handful of friends, all of whom are working in different cities. He rarely participates in group texts with them because the question of his job hunt might come up.
Life won’t change on its own unless one changes something. So, with the kind of issues that X has and his complete unwillingness to change, isn’t suicide the best option for him?
P.S: He isn’t going to go through with it because: (1) He can’t do that to my family, (2) He’s too much of a coward. He tried tightening a belt around his neck a few months ago, but let go when the blood to his face stopped flowing.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
Dear @merchantofgloom,
X’s existence and value is not because of the financial or monetary purpose he serves. By virtue of X’s existence, X is worthy of love and life. With the slightest pressure, we all cave in at some point in our lives. And in X’s case, it does seem like X has been carrying a huge weight from a very long period of time.
Why do people work or do a job? For some, it might be their purpose or calling, sure, but for a majority, it is their means of sustenance. We only earn money to satisfy other material needs and wants. What then is the meaning/purpose of such work?
Knowing that X is an overthinker, how should X try to shut out the thoughts that are more negative and unhelpful than positive and constructive?
X should look at exercises that help him do that. Be it through some online courses or apps or professionals, the first thing X needs to focus on, is his peace of mind. Not the jobs or the interviews or friends or family, but just a clear mind that isn’t constantly telling him he is worthless.
X needs to find that one thing that brings him hope. Could be a material possession, a dream unfulfilled or the abstract idea of something or someone. Just as a guiding north star to embark on his journey.
BUT, X needs to keep in mind that he needs to take…baby steps. Not the entire mountain of worries and concerns, but just a small tiny fraction of that mountain in a day, at a particular point in time.
I’m sure a professional might have their own tips and tricks, but personally, putting pen to paper when my mind has a gazillion thoughts, really helps. It allows me to quantify my problems into a finite listicle which can further be broken down into even smaller and less daunting tasks.
I hope X realises that this despair and gloom is commonplace, and that everybody has felt like that about their life and existence at some point. So, I want X to know that he isn’t the only one who has felt this way, pretty sure some or most of his employed friends have felt the same way too.
Regardless, I wish X embarks on this quest of self-journey and peace, and emerges satisfied and at ease 🌿
"By virtue of X’s existence, X is worthy of love and life.”
But why?
“Knowing that X is an overthinker, how should X try to shut out the thoughts that are more negative and unhelpful than positive and constructive?”
Easier said than done. He knows this already but still unable to do it.
“X should look at exercises that help him do that. Be it through some online courses or apps or professionals, the first thing X needs to focus on, is his peace of mind.”
He did try meditation for over 2 months. Nothing changed. And yes, it does take time, but he just couldn’t continue. It felt like a massive waste of time to him.
“I’m sure a professional might have their own tips and tricks, but personally, putting pen to paper when my mind has a gazillion thoughts, really helps.”
Tried this too. He has tried various things over this past year. Whatever people suggested to him, he has given it a shot. Yet, he’s still at square one.
" pretty sure some or most of his employed friends have felt the same way too."
They must have, sure. But, he’s a selfish ass. He only cares about his suffering, probably because that is something he personally experiences. Also, his friends can at least sustain their lifestyle, X is still dependent on his parents for even basic things like food and shelter.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
But why?
The unique ways in which each individual contributes to the lives of those around them are very difficult to quantify. Why do animals exist? What higher purpose are they solving? Why are they not making any monetary gains? Why do they just exist? This might not be the most sophisticated answer to what you’ve asked, but literally all that society tells us is, that we only matter when we make money and the more money we make, the more we matter. And that kind of philosophy just messes with our head.
We are, and that is enough.
…But, he’s a selfish ass.
The reason behind talking about those friends who might have faced a similar situation was not for X to empathise with them, but for X to realise that they might be more understanding than he realises. So, perhaps giving them a chance, and letting them in on what is going on in X’s life, might be a good idea.
Here’s something I read that you might like:
Everything we call civilization was invented in the last 500 generations—way too short a time for our bodies and brains to re-optimize. We’re a bunch of forest primates in a totally unnatural environment, trying our little best.
At least for me, when I remember that humans are huge underdogs in this whole situation, it makes me feel a lot of love for everyone and makes me want to forgive, compromise, and cooperate. We need less self-loathing and more self-compassion 🤷♀💟
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
One more thing, if X is really looking to get better, which I feel X is, X should continue trying different forms of therapy and professional help. It may seem exhausting and futile but it is a process, and sometimes a long one at that, to find the right technique, right person, right setting that works for you. X should realise that he doesn’t have to bear the weight of all this alone, and that he should let other people help.
Even under normal circumstances, he barely talks to his family members living in the very next room. So, talking to friends or seeking professional help is simply out of the question. If that was an option he would’ve taken it this past year. I guess his only option now is to wait it out. If things get better, fine, if not, then he might finally get the courage to go over the edge.
Thanks.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
X has had a fever along with other symptoms for a while now, and X is hoping the fever will go away on its own without even taking a doctor’s opinion. Don’t know if X realises that this continued way of living might only make his health worse. Just something to consider…
He knows this. In fact, he hopes that it happens. Things can only become better from then on because he’ll either overcome and survive or he won’t. As I’ve said before, he won’t change. He simply refuses to put any effort into it.
Bani Singh @banisinghvasir
Well, I’m sorry to hear that…& I hope X overcomes it, but regardless, I’m always available to talk.
hey
after reading this the very first question came in my mind is
how is that X person related to you ?
because it more sounds like your story not some one else
😶😶😶
