Why is just living so hard for me? Everyday I’m struggling to survive you know, I’m 21, I don’t feel like anyone genuinely cares about me or love me, I have no friends, I’m an introvert and a loner, I’ve no fun at all in my life.
Honestly this wasn’t really me, few years back I was a little girl with full of energy and enthusiasm, her eyes was filled with Hope’s and dreams, now I’ve achieved some of my dreams I got into my dream medical college but, since I joined college I’m depressed because life didn’t meet my expectations, I was and I’m disappointed.
My parents are unfriendly and unsupportive, I spend all day in my room, sometimes I talk to myself in the mirror, other than that, I can’t talk to anyone at all, its 2 years back when I genuinely laughed heartily. I miss happy me.
Life seems sad, but I can’t end this strife either, I want to live, I dont have guts to kill myself… I want to accomplish my dreams… I want to travel, graduate, be a doctor, move away from india, find love and make memories. Well that’s just my dreams only… future kind of seems to be in dark. Due to my low self esteem, I can’t even appreciate my achievements or anything at all. I rather feel bad about my appearance. I think I’m not beautiful but I like to believe and tell myself I’m pretty atleast my heart is beautiful. I’m a nice person but everyday I’m taken advantage of, treated like shit.
Firstly congrats on graduating and working towards your dreams! Ahem let me just start my rant now:
you matter. I know you may not feel like you do but trust me, you do. If you didn’t do you think id Ben here right now skip my time to write abt you and how beautiful your life is? Everyone’s has their own reason as to why their self esteem isn’t low but how bout we take it day by day and bring it up? You said you can’t appreciate your achievements. Tell me; how many years didn’t you study to get into medical school-hell to graduate in general!
Do you remember those sleepless nights where you’d rush to submit your assignment minutes before the due date? Do you remember that despair in the Putnam of your stomach when you’d study all week long only to get a grade lower than what you expected? Do you remember that thrill of passing a test you didn’t study for?
You did not go through years upon years of school to not appreciate everything you achieved. From the pointless ways to locate X to all the friends. Please believe me when I say that getting into medical school is not easy. You should be so fucking proud of yourself. I want you to stand in front of a mirror and think abt all that you’ve achieved. Once you do, look at yourself and say “I am proud of myself. I sacrificed to get here today and I appreciate that.”
You know why? Because you deserve it! You deserve to be appreciated. As for suicidal thoughts. Listen to me carefully. You don’t want to die yet. You know why? Because you still have to make an embarrassing speech at the wedding of a loved one. You still have to run in a field of flowers while your mind plays the most cliche scene it possibly can. You still have to find out when in life X can be useful. You still need to get married to the love of your life (and have children if that’s what u desire) you still need to pursue your dream of leaving India.
You. Matter.
We. Love. You.
Thank you so much, i just woke up and this was the first thing i read, really made me feel much better, i know this feeling of peace is just transient, that worthless feelings will always come back, but now for this moment 6:29am 27/12/2020 , i feel like my life is not trash as it seems to me and not everyone is as bad as it seems to me, all my life i’ve faced toxic and judgmental people, maybe somewhere around the corner i might meet people like you who are nice and people who appreciate me, thank you once again, 😇😇
yea, i am not giving up, i know this is very hard, i fall down everyday but i wake up next day once again, the cycle keeps on going, someday i hope i will be genuinely happy and all my dreams will come true :)
i wish you all the success and happiness, sending big hugs from a sister who lives so far away :)
When I read your post, I felt like I’d written it because I relate to all of it. We don’t know when it all went wrong. Every day is a struggle. If you ever want to talk, let me know we’ll connect and maybe be the support to each other that we don’t know we need?!
hi, thank you for your concern, i’d love to have a good friend, which i certainly lack in my real life, but to be honest i dont know about internet friends, i’ve been ghosted by multiple people several times and it really had a bad impact on my mental health, so i dont know if i really need virtual friends, but thank u for asking
Pratyush @pratyush21
@notsureifdepressed
To be Frank, I had my own ups and downs of life. I belong from a place, where electricity is also not available for light, but still people search for a ray of hope.
When you have realised that no one loves you, I congratulate you for having learnt about today’s world. Life is just a tide of waves, some are big, some are small, but you know, everytime something different comes up. From your writing, I learnt that you are going to be a doctor, you are going to take such a great responsibility. And it’s equally important that you focus on yourself too. Develop yourself. Do not struggle to find love. Try loving yourself. You are not beautiful? Very well, there is no definition for beauty. Some may find appearance as beautiful and some may find the person while others may find the heart. What is your definition of Beauty?
Being taken advantage of and being treated as Shit, is common, just make sure that you are worth it. Listen some good songs, take a walk, glance into the night sky, appreciate the nature, bring small changes around yourself like plant a tree, get a hobby or watch some series. Do something about yourself. People in this digital world can only write something for you to read, but if you want to be a beautiful person, you should become independent and keep the privilege of how you feel to yourself.
Don’t give the privilege to someone else to make you feel happy, or sad or miserable.
I hope you improve your quality of life. That’s what matters at the end
Wishing you all the Happiness and Luck ✌
