Why does it hurt leaving a toxic relationship? Like, I know, deep inside me, that my relationship with this person was crumbling and unhealthy for both of us. It killed my self-esteem, confidence, and the pursuit of happiness (it sounds selfish, but I also feel my friend is the same way). And I know that the person I used to call my friend, and still would proudly call my friend until now, knows it too. It just that, as the day goes on, I keep causing my friend to get angry at me. Then, one day, my friend admitted to me that the interest of being friends with me has been lost. I didn’t know what to do with this fact or react of it. I kept going with the relationship for days after knowing this fact but I couldn’t do it anymore. Then, one day I ask for alone time. It’s been almost a week now. And I still haven’t communicated with my friend yet. And I don’t know what to feel when I discover that my friend has blocked me from any communication we have. And traveling to meet up together has been hard since the pandemic has started so that’s a big no-no. If my friend did block me and completely cut me off. I know that it will hurt me greatly… yet, I know that if the relationship would keep going, it would be unhealthy for both of us. And we tried to find solutions and compromises to make it work out, but it just creates more conflict and argument to each other and less talk in finding solutions… We couldn’t laugh, talk non-sense things, politics, cheer each other, and share life experiences or just experiences in general (and I know that I only hit the tip of the iceberg). Yet, I can’t keep going on anymore. Like, the way my friend describes me now is that I’m just there, just there. Nothing more, nothing less. And so is my friend to me. I want to keep fighting and going, but I lost the reason to do so.
“You need to associate with people that inspire you, people that challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don’t waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important.” Joel Osteen. That quote has been lingering in my mind since I first noticed that our relationship has been slowly becoming unhealthy for both of us. I don’t want to sound selfish at all, but I want personal growth too, leaving my comfort zone even if I don’t like it. And I want that for my friend too, personal growth. I guess the saying is true, there are some people in this world that just can’t be together. It really hurts that it could be true between us…
It hurts because its a step into the unknown, uncharted territory. We are a very habitual species, we seek comfort in what we know. Loosing someone or moving on from someone can hurt but sometimes necessary for growth. I’m going through the same kind of experience with a long time friend of mine. We can tell that we’re not a tight as we use to be and slowly we’re drifting apart. There are days in which I want to message him, but remember the state he is in and how he never messages me or reaches out to me. Even when he does and I message back, its just radio silence. Emotionally speaking he is a bad friend. I know he wants to help and financially he has helped me out a ton which makes it doubly hard to consider the position our relationship is in, but doesn’t know how to be there for me emotionally. He never makes me feel good about myself or what I’m working on, maybe I expect too much. But this is the pain of letting someone go. You want it to work, but sometimes it just doesn’t. Wishing you the best in you life my friend x
I wish you the best as well. Thank you for sharing, it means a lot to me.
Thank you for sharing also, it’s a two way street :) We help each other.