Why do my addictions always get the best of me theyre ruining my life 

Addiction

What is you're addiction which you hate and are trying to stop?

3am Thoughts

Be addicted to bettering yourself 

Books

I am addicted to happiness and the game of chasing the higher of highs.

Motivation

The worst addiction in the world is not alcohol, it's not s3x, it's not gambling, it's not drūgs, it's COMFORT

I am addicted to porn, severely, it does not make me feel good in any way, it just is something I need to see, to satisfy myself, and mostly I don't even like it, I just use it to get myself started, but I hate this too.
Hell i am married I can get all the sex I need,and I know communication is key then why is my sex life so freaking pathetic, like my husband is trying so hard, but I can only help myself after sex, is that normal?, If he touches me i freeze, meh the perks of being me, lol
Am I normal? 

Marriage

I watch a lot of porn. I know its normal to think about porn and sex. But kindof it affects my studies and work. I think about pussys and fucking all the time. I stopped watching porn somehow but still think a lot about sex, pussy, vagina boobs gangbang. This actually spoiling my mind . Even my id name is based on my fav porn star Dani Daniels. She is superb but I should remember she does for money. But can't stop thinking about fucking her. I also have very bad fantasties which I don't want to imagine as it waste lot of my time. Anyway how to stop and control my thoughts on sex, pussy, naked girls. I don't like it at all I want to become better man,

Sexual Health

I've always had this addiction of porn, since I was in std 6. Since I had started my college things seemed fine and I felt i had come out of it, but it relapsed during covid lockdown. I felt things would go back to normal when the college reopens and it kinda did.... I handled it well for a month then it relapsed. I couldnt control. Now, its been 10 days since my last relapse and I'm having the urge to watch porn again. I dont know what to do... Also, I lose a lot of hair when the relapse occurs and its not healthy for me either, but somehow, I'm stuck in this weird loop that I badly want to come out of.

I'm 26 years old
I've never been in a relationship,
never ever had a physical relationship with with anyone
Literally curious about it by the way. 
Yet no one is there to talk about it or to share.
No one wants to talk about it because it is weird and think it is only applicable to the married people.
Am I the only one who think about it all the time.?
Or is it because I'm a bad minded pervert who always think about sex and fancied it.
The only thing which at least give some distraction and relief is porn and masturbation.
Of course I know that the former one is not good for you beyond the limit.
But I've been watching it and doing it along with it for the past 8-10 years.( The fap thing came to my life at the age of 13 if I'm not wrong. and later I found the booster dose in the form of porn at the age of 18 which is legal in case if you argue.)
If (I know there is no "IF")
But I strongly believe, "If" I met someone some years ago who does aware of there sexual instincts, 
things would have been different. And definitely I might get the chance to think about "the life and all other shit" rather than just sex.
But to no surprise people around me are highly moral and very busy (I mean it.) with other things. which makes me wonder again that is this only my problem.? Am I hypersexual or something. Don't know, because there is no one to ask. 

Now I really need to think about life and all other things. 
But life keep asking me when do you give the necessities that your body and mind always wanted.
So there is no way to distract from it. Because the distraction is currently my addiction.

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