Why can’t I just let him go? Why do I keep thinking about what we could have been over and over again…when he made it very clear that he doesn’t want me to expect anything from him? Why is it that the person I loved the most ended up hurting me the most? Why did he give me false hopes and made fake promises saying that we were forever when none of it was true…why did he make me dependent on him and then decided to leave me in the middle of nowhere? Why did he choose to hurt me like this? Why did he come into my life? Why did he first tell me that he loved me? Why did he promise me the world? I don’t even know if anything he said was true at all…I don’t even know if he actually loved me or was he playing me this whole time…even if he was playing me why did he choose to do this to me? What was my fault? Loving him? Giving him all my time and attention? Why is it that I loved him unconditionally and he only lied and manipulated me this whole time? I deserved a better goodbye, a proper explanation…that never came instead he pushed me away…why are my prayers not being answered? I kept crying for hours and hours during my nights. I just wanna say that I’m tired and hurt and I just cannot take it anymore. I just want this pain to go away. It’s been so long but this pain doesn’t get any better…I just don’t know…
Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh
I was in love with my best friend, dated him for 2 years. Things weren’t going good for us, but I was willing to fight for us till the end, he wasn’t. He felt like it was time to call it quits. I still don’t have clarity over why he ended it. I don’t know if his feelings for me were completely genuine. I’m not sure of what went on in that relationship anymore.
What I do know for sure is that, I was more hurt by the idea of my first relationship ending than of the idea of not having him as my boyfriend. I was also upset because I really expected a fairytale for myself - fall for your bestie, marry him, have two kids, a dog and a cat, and live happily ever after. The fact that I couldn’t have this anymore upset me a lot.
Closure is very important, of course. But one might not have the luxury of getting it always. People require a certain level of maturity to be able to provide closure for the person they’re breaking up with. In such circumstances, it’s important that we provide the closure that we need.
It is normal to feel this pain, this loss. It sucks to lose someone we love, and the pain can be unbearable at times. What I can tell you is that now is the time to mourn your relationship. Allow yourself to be sad, be heartbroken. You will feel like crap for a few days, weeks, who knows even months… Make sure you talk to yourself everyday, check in with yourself, because it’s really easy to self destruct in such situations. But you don’t deserve to ruin yourself for someone else. You are worth more than that, you’re worth more than any relationship. Every day, even though it will hurt, ask yourself if he really was the right guy for you. Try to think of the times when you didn’t like something about the relationship but let it slide because you still wanted that relationship. Take it slow, take it one step at a time. Eventually you’ll mourn less, you’ll see this relationship from every possible angle, and eventually you’ll learn to let go and move on. If you have someone you can trust, please ask them to support you during this tough time.
I hope you’ll start feeling better soon. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. That’s the most important thing in the world.