Which incident made you realize that you don't have friends? 

Oh I didn't realize, the anonymous pfp😅

When I was used so many times, they didn’t care about me, I was hurt to many times and I decided to put myself first. I lost a lot of “friends” after putting myself first. But I know in reality they were never friends. Its lonely sometimes but I know I never really had them anyway. 

On my birthday :(
Not even a single person wished me

3am Thoughts

honest enemy🥷 is better than a fake friend😈

That feeling of having acquaintance but not friends.

My friends don't want me. They want my attention.🥺

halo friends

Family

what's your take on  friends? Like I've had this issue or whatever since many years now. I don't know what happened. I had a couple of really good friends in school, thought they'd be around forever types, thought that friendship was genuine. But girls and their drama and they all drifted apart. I have like very selected real close ones. But to be honest, it always bothers me why? I am not really part of the trendy or the happening groups, nor those who went to fancy schools/uni. It's just so mentally stressful, sometimes just to really wonder if I'm missing out on all the amazing stuff. I really don't know, what it is, the people in my class or just in general, I no longer connect with anyone in that deeper sense. It's not like I go around hating people. But I feel nobody really likes me, and like never really felt that forever feeling staying. I really don't know if all this makes sense. I don't even really like my birthday tbh. 
I feel really alone when I see all the posts by people celebrating so many years of friendship. It's just idk.It's not like I Don't like being by myself, I absolutely love it! I love myself and I love spending time with my thoughts and talking to myself. I've actually started loving myself more and more when I finally started to value my presence in others lives and figured out my priorities. I felt free. I had this gang in highschool, we were extremely close almost family like. And then by the end of 10th grade somehow I was cornered and just left out. I always try to overcome all this, but it's just not happening. Professionally I'm good in getting stuff done and networking and working in a team and all that. But when it comes to the personal aspect, I feel nobody is really there for me as much as I am for them. It can be small things like replying to my texts or something like that. I don't know what went wrong. Lol. I still remember in 5th grade I had this book to keep track of my friends and their birthdays and favourite colours, and I would rank them and all. Stuff like that, come back often. Was it because I wasn't allowed to "hangout" or spend as much with them? Was it because I never was cool because I never really had a proper boyfriend to chat on Facebook but just lame crushes? Was it because I didn't know people who went to posh schools? This particular girl, X  was one of my closest friends, I completely broke when we drifted apart. I don't think I have gotten closure . And it's just so dramatic, that there was Y who didn't like me that much and now they post 14 years of friendship on their stories. I really don't know. . I feel because of them, I lost trust or belief in friendship altogether. Now it's just materialistic and idk vv thought provoking as to how much this should and is affecting me. 
I did make wonderful brilliant friends later on, and those friendships are truly ❤️, I'm blessed. But somewhere I feel the truest sense of innocent friendship died with them. And that's stayed all this while. I did try reaching out, but when there's no effort from the other side, it's just a dull game of self respect woes. Ashte. Now given the pandemic and lockdown, we've literally spent a whole of 4 five months on campus in these 18(almost) months of so called "undergrad". This constant feeling of "I'm missing out on so many people, stuff, / I've already missed out on making real friends/future partners (professionally) just that community gang feeling. " It's just mentally taxing. But I'm making the most of whatever resources I have and trying to go beyond, " can you send me the assignment please"😂 I'm manifesting thissss and everything else. I'm trying and trying to really regain my confidence and just regain my belief in all the things I so innocently believed in back in my gap year. As they say, when you've hit rock bottom the only way is up, just that. 

Mental Health

I feel terrible all day long. My thoughts just leave me restless and anxious all day. My friends have been outcasting me lately and I feel horrible because of it. I just feel like they are nice to me when they want to and otherwise, they just ignore me. I feel like a fool all the time for giving them all the friendship I can and in return, they give me nothing. Whenever I tell them I am upset about a certain thing, they just nod their heads and let it go and when it’s the opposite case, I make sure I do all that I can to make them feel better.

Anxiety

I just wanna rant so scroll if you don’t wanna read this. 
Honestly, it’s annoying that when you do so much for others and they can’t even manage to do half as much. And I don’t need any input from anyone so don’t comment if it’s just gonna be rude and negative stuff. 
Friends really don’t know how to be friends anymore. It’s sad! This worlds just sad. Sometimes I sit and think how ungrateful some of the people in my life are. I do so much for them and in return I get nothing. It’s disappointing as f*ck! And I get to express myself how I feel so don’t even think about telling me otherwise. It’s disappointing cause they can’t even manage to put in 50%!! And that’s the BARE minimum one deserves. A relationship regardless of the kind it is, should always be 50/50. Instead one persons always bloody taking advantage and god forsake you stand up for yourself they’re gonna be such narcissists. Then THEY play the bloody victim card. 😂 Like wtf dude. I’ve honestly cut out these kinds of people from my life. And it sucks but it had to be done. Can’t be keep people like this in my life they’ll only damage me. But the only reason it sucks is cause of the bond we had and the many years of knowing one another. Guess the saying is true. With time all comes to the surface. Guess you never really will know even those who are the closest and dearest to you. 
Have you experienced something similar?

Depression

I am having friend but don't feel like they are my friend's so I am here to connect with someone who don't judge me.


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