Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

When my cousin comes home, I get annoyed just by looking at his face.
I hate how he is so goddamn happy all the time, gets high, nobody questions him, and just does what he wants.
I hate that. I also want to be free like him. And how fcking diplomatic he is. He goes to a place, kisses asses, and then does the same to others.
I will admit, I am unhappy with my life, so much so that I question existence when things fall apart, but I hate seeing him this happy, this carefree.
He is somehow a constant reminder that I am not where I want to be in life, that he has a grandmother who loves him, that he has parents even at his age to check in on him while he drinks and smokes, while I have everything opposite
I don’t even know if I am acknowledging the right feelings or not, but I got so angry when did not take my consent to call one of his friends for dinner, and that is how he was planning on his to stay at my place for the night!
He interrupts me when I am speaking which boils my blood!
I am trying to hardest to become a better version, to incorporate new life lessons and become who I want to be, but it is so damn hard and I get annoyed when I see all of those things in him