When it comes to talking with people online I can do it pretty well and I'm like an open book. But when it comes to talking to someone face to face, I just get very awkward or people think I'm shy and less confident. I don't understand what to talk about initially. How do I fix this?

But I can't do it in this situation of lockdown.

Then try talking to people on video platforms like omegle etc it will help to reduce your awkwardness because those people don't know you 

Start talking face to face with people...where risk of getting awkward are less like friend of friends...people near you who judge you less when you talk trash 😁 then comfortable with it and increase the risk

Conflict

So I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety paralysis. I haven’t even done some of my assignments for school which are now overdue. I can’t even express this to the lecturers because they are really inconsiderate. I lost my cousin 2weeks ago and I couldn’t attend parts of the funeral because I had class. I lost an uncle of mine a few days after and I didn’t attend the funeral. My grandfather passed on last week…and I couldn’t go to the funeral because I had to study for a test. Last Friday as I was leaving for campus to write the test I got involved in a car accident…I had my day planned out well only to experience such, organically for someone with anxiety…I had a terrible panic attack.

Books

We are infinite

3am Thoughts

hi,,i don't know why ,,m struggling ,,with mental health atleast i feel like,,,,,,my family is a complete mess even though we look like a normal family but there's nothing normal,,,,i shifted to new city in march 2019 ,,and things got worse ,,,there's nothing like emotions exist in my family ,,,damn i really don't hv much friends now,,,my bestfriend shifted to us in 10grade ,,,even though my parents hv started helping me emotionally ,,but still they are the reason y my mental health is fucked up,,i don't know y indians parents hv craze with doctors ,,,i respect the profession but i never wanted to be dr. ,,,yesterday,,i ate maggi at night ,,there's a thing like cravings and i swear my sister told my mom and she went crazy on me,,haha today she will beat my ass if i will do something wrong like just in the morning i had my class and she woke me up with slap wht a grt start to the day and then she says me i'm making her mad ,,honestly i never had good relationship with my mom but we are improving but it's a complete hell sometimes,,,i was already strugglin yest. with my mind as i used to be extrovert and never in my life i had been at home for so long ,,emotionaly i had always relied on my friends rather than family ,,i don't know when m gonna get out of this but if i did ,, i m not gonna come back at home in my entire life,,,,,i just need my normal life back,,with the ppl i used to be ,,but why we have to always move on ,,my both parents hv been through some disturbing phase in their childhood ,,my paternal grandma has deen diagnosed with dementia and depression for more than 25years ,,and my maternal grandpa cheated my grandma ,,,,clearly i get to know y they both lack parenting skills bt because of them ,,i had struggled all my life with sharing my emotions ,,i really cccan't ,,i never showed anyone that i cry,,but now whenever m doing something i jjust cry endlessly ,,,i never recieved any hug or neither i hv been told in my life that i'm worth it ,,haha everyone says my mom is sweet ,,she also says she used to be but coming to my father home and responsibilites made he like that ,,,

Life

My relationship with my husband is getting toxic for me. I love him a lot. But still i cant tolerate all that he yells at me. It is very adversely affecting my mental health. I start having all sort of thoughts on how to make everything all right but nothing seems to work. He has become unpredictable and he can yell at me for anything at any time. I ignore everything mostly but cannot ignore when he speaks about my motherhood.  I dont think that things will ever improve..infact they will get worse with time because he has started to become more and more angry now a days. I have a 14 month  daughter and now the fights are always related to her. After the fights i feel like getting away from him..leaving him and live with my parents or anywhere else.. but i dont want my baby to miss love from any parent. I want the best for her. But things are in very bad shape for me n my husband.


Marriage

I have a feeling this has been said before and I’m just remembering it from somewhere else and rewording it but I’m a fan of words and sometimes I put them together in a way that makes sense to me and I hope to others, so here goes. 

 I feel like every person that you hate is just someone that you haven’t had a chance to get to know well enough, that you haven’t had a chance to empathize with. I know myself that if the few people in the world that I hate, and there are a couple, five specifically, if I had gotten to known them better or still yet somehow got a chance to know them better and they shared enough of themselves with me (which is an entirely other topic and something that not everyone is capable of entirely or really anyone because of the way the world teaches us to close ourselves off); well, in time I wouldn’t hate them anymore.  I’d have to let it go because I would eventually learn the how and why of why they hurt me and I would have to choose empathy. There wouldn’t be any way around it for me, I’ve discovered that especially recently. 

Empathy and understanding aren’t to be confused with acceptance, I did that for a while. I could understand why people caused me pain or trouble and I felt for them but I didn’t realize that it didn’t mean that I had to accept the behavior that was the fruit of their own pain. Because I believe as well that when we hurt others we are just in pain and we don’t know where to put it, we don’t know how to heal it, oftentimes we don’t even know where it comes from or that it’s there in the first place. 

Some of us are more likely to hurt ourselves, some of us to hurt others but more likely we are all a mix of the two, all of us just stumbling through life in pain and some of us manage it better than others, or find healthier ways to numb it, some of us learn with help how to heal it but I think for too long that’s been a privilege of those who can afford it. Or who grew up in an environment that fosters healing. Or really if you were born and raised as a girl or woman, because we are allowed that, it doesn’t threaten our femininity like the world has told men it threatens their very manhood. But if we could get that into our heads and hearts, if we could not fight the knowing and understanding and the healing and open ourselves up we could spare ourselves and others so much more pain. 

I mess up on the daily and I’m far from perfect but I’m trying. I’ve come to the conclusion that trying is everything, no one is perfect and no one is ever going to be but it’s the ability or more aptly the openness and willingness to try, that is everything, at least it is to me.

Just try. That’s all you can do. 

And that’s everything, it really is. 



Relationships

I am the only one in my friend circle not having any relationship so it's just pissed me off they talk to there loved ones of all tha daily talks routines problems btt I don't have one like that to whom I can say she is mine everything and to whom I can share everything really eager for someone for that kind of love nd support 

Today  might be a day that I felt like there is a light at the end of a tunnel. Having family support you and show you a new picture for future or possibilities, has made this day a little easier.

Breakup

It's strange as each day passes by death seems more peaceful then being alive and feeling suffocated and broken.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts