When does this life will change the way I want to be?

When will I get the happiness that my mind yearns to be?

Keeping my dreams staying as the same & not sure what I should do to make it real.

My passion is wayward than my profession and i hardly get a recognition in both :(

If at all, there's an Award for the SADDEST Person on Earth, sad to say that I will lose that too :'(

Tamseel Ahmad 

Ritesh Kumar

I'm there for you, if you wanna share anything regarding your life I'm all ears. Just know that life can be tough.

Stay happy for you won't lose the saddest person award because that's something to be happy of .......

Career

Chii yr

3am Thoughts

A Very Good Morning Beautiful People.🌄

stalked between mental health and family responsibilities

Depression

Hello, I am a new user on this site therefore this is my first time posting.

Warning: This is a bit of a long post.


Currently, I have been feeling very much confused and afraid of myself, not about my sexual orientation. My mind has been filled with worry regarding my future, my school, and my family.  My sisters say that I shouldn't mind family problems, however, I'm the type of person that cares too much about others to the point where even if it isn't my problem I start to become very worried. I am not as headstrong as them and it is so difficult for me to ignore this. There are times where I do forget about these problems but it feels like I'm cheating, and in the end, the problems come back running to me. Most of the family members actually drag me into their drama either intentionally or not, and it has been messing with my mental health. 

Every month since the start of the school year, I experience severe burnout from school work. I feel like my depression is coming back, but I'm not really sure. Right now, I have about maybe 10 to 20 outputs that need to be worked on but I just don't have it in me to move, and when I do my mind just doesn't turn on and I get EASILY distracted. 

I've passed almost all of my outputs since the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Semesters, and now I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm late on submissions and I have been skipping my online classes. The pressure and anxiety I receive from both my family problems and school problems is suffocating me and it is getting hard for me to breathe. I'm afraid to speak about my feelings because I don't want to burden them. I want to take a break from school but then I questioned myself "What are you going to do then?" I can't just sit and lay on my bed all day like a spoiled brat because I would feel extremely guilty. If I try to help my mother with chores, she sometimes insists that I stop and let her handle it. 

There are so many emotions mixing inside me and I just want it to stop. I want to go to therapy to sort these emotions out, as well as the negative thoughts and bad memories that have been excessively popping in my mind daily. However, we don't have the money and my family still has to pay for our tuition, house, necessities, and loans.

I am afraid to fail and repeat. I am afraid to disappoint them. I am afraid of their reactions. I am afraid of what will happen in the future. Right now, it feels like there is no escape route for me to go and I can't let out all these feelings on my friends since they might be going through something bad as well, and it might affect their mental health too. 

There are a lot of things that I want to say but it's hard to explain.


Thank you for reading, I hope you continue your day with good vibes.

Mental Health

Hey buddy 😄
If you are free please chat with me
I like to friendship with you 

Crush

Killing myself seems easier at this point.

Betrayal & Regret Sentence Starters

"I told you not to get too close to me."

"From the day we met, I knew I'd hurt you
eventually."

"I wish you never had trusted me."

"I told you to leave, but you didn't. I gave you the chance!"

"We were never friends. I'm so sorry."

"I did something terrible."

"It was inevitable, but I regretted it every step of the way."

"I'm mainly sorry that somewhere along the way, I started to care about you."

"I guess this is a lesson in not trusting people, right?" "How long?...Since the beginning."

"I wish I could just make a wish and become a better person."

"None if it was real, but I wish it was."

"Do you think I liked hurting you?"

"I hurt people. It's all I'm good at."

"I did it because I had to, not because I ever wanted to."

"I-did- care about you, I just had no other choice." "You should have walked away when you had the chance."

"If we had never met, it would have saved us both some grief."

Don't read bc it's just me venting and trying ro get rid of bad feelings 



I am not okay I am stupid I'm empty I have no brain I can't do 1 single thing right I am a waste of money and even air I wish I wasn't born I don't want to do anything I just want to dissappear I hope someone kills me tomorrow I am such a fucking disappointment I don't wanna live I hope my parents dissappear and my sister too I hate everyone I hate myself most god I wish I could just pass away or get in coma I wanna try self harming but I can't because of my religion which is the one single reason why I wake up in the mornings and why I am still alive but at the same time if I wasn't religious I could just kill my parents and then myself I'm too coward to do anything but to write these bullshit things I'm tired of crying I am also on my period which is a fucking cherry on top I just wanna cut their tongues off I don't wanna hear shit I fucking hope I get a heart attack I just cried a damn river yesterday and thought today they would listen but no of course they don't and act like I am a burden and tell me to go kill myself bc I can't do anything then I tell a small paet of my mental problems to my mom and she blows up to me bc how dare I say she caused me mental issues and today is my fucking dads birthday god I wish wasn't born fuck today fuck life that disgusting piece of shit at least he agreed to send me to get help but idk if it'll work god I wanna drown in medicines and fuck off to somewhere or leave my body like ik this life is a test for us to go either to hell or heaven but it's just so fucking difficult I wanna leave the test early I wanna sleep and never wake up on the top my boyfriend is ignoring me and a random person on insta asked for pics and I literally answered "Sorry I'm in the middle of a fight with my family my mental health won't be okay for a long while so bye hope u find someone better to talk with :)" fucking shit I literally am so fed up and ready to explode in fact I am at the moment hope no one reads my bs and feels worse I'll feel even sadder bc I am such a useless shit I can even hurt a stranger because of my selfishness to shout out and let my anger out I don't wanna force myself to cry quietly I wanna shout I wanna sob I want hugs oh fuck no one is here for me no one will be bc I am a waste of time that's the reson why I am wrapped in my blanket crying so fucking quietly bc I am scared my dad's gonna hear it and start shouting me again I wanna just go away out of my body or be insane so I can be happy a little maybe? How do I do that anyone got tips? Or do u know how to make urself pass out idc if it's for a while I just need to shut down but I also need to wake up at 8 in morning and will probably cry all the morning fuck then my dad's gonna get angry again and will say ur bringing me shame what did I do to deserve you I did everything yet ur such a useless shit people are dying I had to go thru BLAH BLAH BLAH PLEASE SHUT UP I CAN'T I JUST WANNA BE OKAY I WANNA BE HAPPY OR AT LEAST NOT CRYING SAD ALL THE TIME PLS JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I bet he'll tell me to kill myself again I just wanna gşve up and not do shit just lie down and wait till I die :)



Thanks for coming to my ted talk! (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)✧･ﾟ♡ 

And yes I am sharing this even tho I said don't read but hey I'm hungry for attention and feel like shit sorry really 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts