What's the point of living anymore?
Why is when you feel like you have no place in this world, when you have absolutely no idea who you are and when all you feel is loneliness, heartache and sadness, the only thing that comes to your mind is suicide?
I keep on living to see if things can change but it just keeps getting worse. I want to keep living orelse my sister would be alone but with my mental state I'm pretty much useless. 

Suicidal Ideation

Am I overreacting??(sorry for long post)
So me and my bf have been together since 2021 and most days it is a very loving relationship but I am too emotional and ge is not and that's why we fight, 
So this time I don't know if I am overreacting or just needed Little support for him
So I got a new job and I am leaving my current City and maybe because of that I am overreacting , I don't want to leave him and be in LDR and I am acting may be extra clingy i want to spend my last days with him I want his attention and feeling sad that I have to leave everything behind for this job, and he is very calm about it like he doesn't want to talk about it and always shut me down when I want to talk about it by saying waha maar thodi jao gi, phone rhyga and Delhi dur nhi h, aur jesa hoga we'll see , but honestly this reassurance doesn't work for me i overthinking alot, and I love him alot and he started getting annoyed by this reaction he doesn't talk for a week with me becz my reaction is causing distraction in his work and he doesn't want to fight and this Sunday unfortunately he got the news that his grandma pass away and he goes back to his native place for her funeral and i understand this is big loss for him and I am not able to see him for the last time before moving out 
Today I am facing some problems in my work and got to know something that hurts me deeply and my work best friend is also not going to meet me before I leave and i just msged him "gods is starting to give me reason to get detached form this city" and after this statement he flipped and after small fight he just blocked me stating that I am overreacting and making big deal out of it,and he can't deal with it anymore.

Breakup

I had this one friend in college.infact she was the only friend I had in college. But lately she has been comparing me with her other friends who are far better than me.
I know that I am not the intellectual and smart person in the room but it hurts when someone you trust and love points it right at you just to make you feel small infront of them.

Friends

I M feeling lost


Depression

I am new here and I don't have lots of friends. Whoever I trust, I get betrayed (in terms of friendship) and recently in my relationship too. Everything is just messed up. I am far from my family for the last 7 years because of my studies and now my job. I want to go home but that is not even in my hands. It is hard to believe but I don't have a single person in my life to whom I can call my friend. This thing sucks!

Relationships

Koi unhe mere dimag se nikalo, I don't fell happy with it...... Ya fir unhe mujhe yes krne m kudrat majbur kr de

Crush

*हिमालया*

कभी पत्तों से बर्फ को झटपट बरसते देखा है,
कभी धुंध में सूरज को खुदकी
तपिश को तरसते देखा है,
कभी बर्फ को आराम से धूप सेंकते देखा है
कभी धूप को बर्फ पर घुटने टेकते देखा है,
देखा है कभी पेट के पानी को डगमगाते
कभी सड़कों को जाड़े में ठिठुरते
दोपहर में खिलखिलाते,
कभी पल भर में दिन को 
रातों में बदलते देखा है
कभी गली कुंचों में लोगों को
एक चाय को झगड़ते देखा है,
कभी किसी को बस एक गुलाबजामुन को झडपते देखा है,
कभी किसी को ठिठुरन में एक मैगी को तरसते देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमाचल में, 
कुदरत का आंचल बनते देखा है
यहां की रातों को, यहां को बचाने
यहां का काजल बनते देखा है,
मैंने अपने इस दिल में
पहाड़ों को ठहरते देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमालय से 
जन्नत को गुजरते देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमालय से 
जन्नत को गुजरते देखा है।


कभी खुदकी उंगलियों को ठंड में 
मनमानी करते देखा है,
कभी खुदकी सांसों को खुदसे
बेईमानी करते देखा है,
कभी आग में रखे हाथ से
बर्फ को पिघलते देखा है,
कभी बर्फ की सर्दी से
किसी के हाथ को जलते देखा है,
कभी कुछ दोस्तों को बिल्कुल 
बेपरवाह घूमते देखा है
कभी सफेद रंग के सावन को
मदहोश झूमते देखा है,
कभी पेड़ों की ऊंचाई देख
ख़ुदको इतना दंग देखा है
किसी की पहली कविता में 
कभी इतना रंग देखा है,
ये हिमालय है 
जिसमें रंगें है ये शब्द मेरे
कभी किसी को बिना पीये
खुदमें इतना मलंग देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमाचल में, 
कुदरत का आंचल बनते देखा है
कुछ पल में पानी को बर्फ
बर्फ को बादल बनते देखा है,
मैंने अपने इस दिल में
पहाड़ों को ठहरते देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमालय से 
जन्नत को गुजरते देखा है,
मैंने तो हिमालय से 
जन्नत को गुजरते देखा है।





Travel

I wonder what sort of Fate's dark design does to balance people's lives. Someone's happiness has to be sacrificed for another? Or someone has to lose a dear one in order to allow the other one to lessen the misery. Whatever it is, it sure is strange as hell. Life pushes us through all sorts of experience and we can't even control it. If we try too hard to achieve something, it always costs us one way or another in that process. 

It has been 6-7 years since I met my internet best friend from a mobile game. Since day one, we were inseparable and appreciated each other's company. But like any other person we had our lives, issues to deal with, and of course we both had crippling anxiety. I was in the early stages of depression and self harm. But having a friend made my life less painful. We shared our troubles and tried finding ways to solve them. Heard each other cry, laugh and even cried together when things were really bad at home. Our distance bothered us but we loved each other like siblings. 

He often had this instinct to choose to run whenever he was in a difficult situation. Whether it's mentally, emotionally, or physically. Many times did I asked him not to run but to face it and lean on me. For he was too afraid to let me in so he ran. He did come back everytime and apologized to never leave me abandoned and feel unworthy to be reliable to him. I understand he can't help it but this time, he made it clear to not show up again. I was mentally exhausted so I said, "you're free to go. You're free to return. You still don't have to do this alone and burn. You were there for me but let me have my turn! I know I know reassurance is what you yearn and think what you said and asked me to do. No one should feel alone is what you made me learn!" 

He said his goodbyes but I couldn't respond. To be honest, I can't beg people not to leave anymore as it's no longer in me to be strong enough and bring that same energy to make people stay. It's always me. It's always me who would grab their hand with eyes filled with tears and shake my head. "Don't leave. I'm here. I'll listen. Count on me! Stay with me.... don't leave me"

I'm numb to this emotion of longing for people to stay. They can stay, they can go. I'm tired...

Exhausted

My boyfriend was cheating on me with his so called best friend 
Although I knew about him cheating on me a long time ago but I made sure I ruined his relationship with his best friend too so i did some things which will make her lose feelings for him 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts