What do guys feel when his girl tells him that he makes her wet and makes her feel butterfly in her stomach?

Boyfriend

I am atit and have been dating a girl for a while now. Things were great at the beginning but now she has started going to college and things have changed. I know it’s a new environment for her and she’s usually busy the whole day but it feels like there’s no reciprocation at all. I feel like putting in all the efforts and have now reached a point where I am always anxious and overthinking. Moreover she says that she wants to keep the relationship private which I totally agree with although my intuition says that she wants to keep it a secret. My anxiety is just eating me from the inside 

Anxiety

I'm feeling soo much lonely today.

Lonely

I have anger issues i wish i didn't but.. I've been living with my family for last 22 years. Never had any long term friends, was bullied in school and was very shitty to people who actually wanted to be my friends. Very strict parents who take decisions for my life. I am in a college that i don't attend just appear in exam oh and i am a Lesbian. My parents aren't fond of me they have my older brother to compare me with. IITian now doing MBA from a prestigious college.. Ughh. My mother never forgets to remind me how big of a burden i am (as if i didn't already know) have tried ending my life several times but not brave enough. I wish i was brave tho. I've made it my personal goal to remind myself everyday that good things are going to happen and i got this. But its been hard lately. 

Emotional Abuse

While I was taking a bath the question Carlo asked me popped out. He asked if there's anything that bothers me for having these dreams. Then I remember my father. How he ask Lola for money so he could buy food. The second time Lola forwarded a screenshot to me of their convo was last Nov 10. He's borrowing at least 200 pesos so he could buy rice and that cooked veggies only costs 5 to 10 pesos only. He also told her he's trying to get a job.

I hate myself for not caring. For not feeling anything to my dad, even pity or resentment. I could give him 200 pesos and more but I don't want to. I just don't care and I hate myself that I'm not even sorry for not feeling anything towards him.

I just told Lola he could go home because Mama is waiting for him. But Mama is okay now, not okay 'okay' because I know she still and she really need and she really misses my dad. But she's okay now. I don't want to see her living unhappy again if my dad came back. I can't see her like that. I swear I won't live here if he came back but I can't leave my mom with him. I just can't. I don't want him back if he's still not my dad.

Family

Not bad

Cheating

I think self-harm is the only way to deal with all these.

Depression

Happy holi 

Celebration

Yes they say sticks and stones may break my bones but words won't that's a lie and you know it 

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