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⚕️Depression

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💗Relationships

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@sanju1

Well we mutually started liking each other, and eventually this liking turned into deep love (atleast from my side) just within 1 week of talking. The first month was very good that we eventually hooked up.
But since second month we started quarrelling over little things, I remember I said, I look a good opportunity in my bf to be a great lover since I never loved someone this much, nor someone love me back like this. I don’t know where the things went wrong, he took it in wrong way and estimated that I considered him as an option and that if not him, I could have found someone else. He considered opportunity equivalent to “option”. I really got hurt because I opened up my heart to him and he estimated me wrong. He said he would have proposed me if I wouldn’t have said that. Nearly 3-4 times we quarrelled and he considered me crazy for doing that, because of which he didn’t propose me all of this happened in just 2nd month of relationship. I still loved him but the way things were going were quite disturbing. We were having communication gap, which was increasing gradually. Also he wasn’t spending time with me (in 2nd month itself) the way he did in first month because he was a final year student and was focusing on his career building and I understood that thing. But I couldn’t bear the fact that even if we were physically not that distant we were growing distant. There were days when I felt that I just have bf for name. But I couldn’t complain because he was after his studies. Moreover he was a possessive guy, who had objection with me being sitting or talking or even passing around a group of boys when he was around. He used to say that he would beat them if they try to come even a bit near. Meanwhile on other hand there was no such restrictions from my side on him, because he would have thought me conservative and I didn’t want to lose him for stupid stuffs. So I didn’t said anything even if I didn’t liked that he got touchy with one of his female friend. And stayed cool around rest of them. Adding to it, he always talked about his exes. Like literally always whenever we spend time together. I didn’t know how to react to that because I was really into him and saw my future with him. All these little things got added up in my mind and I felt pressurise not to commit a mistake and adjust with him.
And one day I slipped. I sexted some other guy. I didn’t want to leave him at all because he was the only person who loved me a lot (as per my knowledge). I really felt ashamed. And told him everything, he was broken and pissed at me. He said we could have talked but I knew that even after talking nothing fruitful would have came out as result and he would have broke up with me and all my tolerance and adjustment would have go in vain. He really got harsh over me for this, termed me of low character who needs different man every night. He said I should be thankful to him that he isn’t disclosing this among our peers. I listened everything quitely, took his harsh comments ( he used to go harsh over me while quarreling and use to mock me while crying). I begged him to come back and forgive me I was getting constant suicidal thoughts since he was the only person I used to talk (i cornered my friends for him because they either didn’t liked him or vice versa out out of jealousy) he thought I was threatening him and making him feel like a puppet. I swear I was really suicidal and I kept doing this for 3 months until I came to know that he has been lying about a suspicious lady who was his relative which later turned out to be his ex.Both of them tagged each other in semi romantic stories over Instagram and the girl use to get flirtatious in comments. The girl was mad after my ex. I really got super hurt over this because I believed whatever he told me thinking that he couldn’t lie to me because he loves me.But he did that, I asked him why he kept lying about her since day one. And with no shame in voice he gave his tit for tat theory, that I cheated and he lied so we are equal. I left that day. Was I really that wrong? Though his ex and him were on break when we were together but just after breaking up with me he get to her saying to celebrate his one year anniversary with her. He doesn’t even feels sorry for his lying and giving me mixed signals after breakup, he often slept with me saying that he cannot stay away from me. But on the other hand had his ex’s back. The day I came to know all of this I apologized him and left with no argument.
I then started dating his friend who approached me (since he pushed me away) but no sooner than this relationship too ended. And then my ex tried coming back I thought I should give him a chance and we got back together. But as soon as a week ended he dumped me again. Saying that he wasn’t feeling okay with me. And I lost control I started ranting him and one day decided to part my way. But few days later I got to know that he got back to his cousin sister whom he loves alot now and I asked him why he acted innocent and hided things from me he replied it was his “personal thing” And don’t wanna tell me.

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3 replies
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Anonymous

Hi , first I want to start of with huge appreciation towards you sharing this story with us…
not every relationship is the best and as you mentioned has only being going on for 4 months , I’m not present in or during your problems so I dont know the intensitiy of the whole problem , but i do know if this is going out of hand you do nee to call in external forces/help like the police to report for domestic abuse and other things etc.
for now all I can give you is that start over and talk it out ask him and ask him if hes cheated or lied if he lies well confront him with proof get him everything you need to prove him wrong , then if he tells against you then break up and then start over you deserve someone better than him , you go girl…

@sanju1

He is in a constant denial that he isn’t wrong. I mean when we were together he and his ex were on break (also his cousin) though she was hitting on him. He told her that he cannot get to her since he is with me. But idk the way he talked about her to me and them tagging in stories in insta wasn’t acceptable to me. But because I didn’t had proof I couldn’t question the sanity of a brother sister relationship.

@sanju1

Both of them are back now and she is supporting him in this. Ik I did turned toxic and spitted facts to him because I couldn’t keep my calm. He somehow made a comparison between how she handled things she got to know about us v/s how I am reacting after knowing of them. (I felt lost then)

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