Home / Thoughts / Well I feel super alone. Last year (my then boyfr...
Anonymous

Well I feel super alone. Last year (my then boyfriend) we wanted to get married n my parents weren’t too happy about it my dad told me that he got high BP because of that so that I will agree to not marry him. But I went against that and we got married. Fast forward to this year, my now husband always says in fights that I’m a person who ruins everyone’s life even my fathers health (which is perfectly fine). How can he forget that I went against my parents for this relationship? I’m so deeply hurt.
I also had a fight with my friends because they said that instead of hurting your parents you should call the relationship off. Now in fights I’m hearing this also that you don’t have any friends because of the person you are. I feel so empty and numb.

3 Comments
Post anonymously?
Anonymous

Based on what you’ve said, this does seem unfair of your husband to say and your hurt is justified. It might well be that he’s using any ‘ammunition’ he can find during a fight to make you out to be a bad person. If you’re trying to get things to work with him, then you should talk to him when he’s not in an angry state and try to peacefully confront him on how hurtful it was to say such a thing, especially when it concerns your choice FOR him as a husband.

Your friends are also wrong. It’s one thing to respect and\or love parents, it’s completely another to say that we should always obey them in everything or that we should ignore the hope of love before our eyes for their sake. You have the right to make your own choices EVEN IF LATER ON YOU END UP REGRETTING THOSE CHOICES or if you feel they were the ‘wrong’ choices, and good parents would patiently bear with you. A good parent should be long-suffering and there to help you up, they can counsel you to do one thing if they think you’re doing the wrong thing - but that doesn’t give them to the right to emotionally manipulate you or to coerce you psychologically into going their way. I’m not saying your parents are “bad”, they are only human, but don’t let their own mistaken values crush your right to autonomy. It’s totally unfair of your husband to also bring that up. According to what you’ve said, you chose him and that choice has hurt your relationships with others. So he’s attacking a freshly vulnerable part of you (you are freshly hurt, having lost\been distanced from friends for HIS SAKE).

I can’t recommend what to do from here, maybe you can bring him to better understanding of your feelings and how unfair he’s being or maybe you can’t and you’ll have to leave. This is beyond what I can answer here, but I do want to validate your feelings - as you’ve described things, you’re entirely justified in feeling hurt, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

Don’t lose heart, not everyone is like that. I believe we are here to experience love in a respectful, freely given, non-coerced way and that one day every single person will experience the highest form of love imaginable, that we will all experience an abundance of love. For now, give yourself some love, know that other people are capable of seeing that you are justified in your feelings, and try to find a way to go forward.

I wish your the best in solving your situation, and send you love. 😃

Anonymous

I concur with this answer! It’s not right to use your vunerability to hurt you. You make your own choices …your parents should be there to guide you, your friends to back your choices, and your husband shouldn’ t be saying such spiteful things. I hope you can resolve these matters and stand for yourself because it’ s your happiness that matters.

Anonymous

thankyou so much for understanding my pain and helping me deal with it.