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Anonymous

Well I feel super alone. Last year (my then boyfriend) we wanted to get married n my parents weren’t too happy about it my dad told me that he got high BP because of that so that I will agree to not marry him. But I went against that and we got married. Fast forward to this year, my now husband always says in fights that I’m a person who ruins everyone’s life even my fathers health (which is perfectly fine). How can he forget that I went against my parents for this relationship? I’m so deeply hurt.
I also had a fight with my friends because they said that instead of hurting your parents you should call the relationship off. Now in fights I’m hearing this also that you don’t have any friends because of the person you are. I feel so empty and numb.

18 Comments

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Anonymous

Based on what you’ve said, this does seem unfair of your husband to say and your hurt is justified. It might well be that he’s using any ‘ammunition’ he can find during a fight to make you out to be a bad person. If you’re trying to get things to work with him, then you should talk to him when he’s not in an angry state and try to peacefully confront him on how hurtful it was to say such a thing, especially when it concerns your choice FOR him as a husband.

Your friends are also wrong. It’s one thing to respect and\or love parents, it’s completely another to say that we should always obey them in everything or that we should ignore the hope of love before our eyes for their sake. You have the right to make your own choices EVEN IF LATER ON YOU END UP REGRETTING THOSE CHOICES or if you feel they were the ‘wrong’ choices, and good parents would patiently bear with you. A good parent should be long-suffering and there to help you up, they can counsel you to do one thing if they think you’re doing the wrong thing - but that doesn’t give them to the right to emotionally manipulate you or to coerce you psychologically into going their way. I’m not saying your parents are “bad”, they are only human, but don’t let their own mistaken values crush your right to autonomy. It’s totally unfair of your husband to also bring that up. According to what you’ve said, you chose him and that choice has hurt your relationships with others. So he’s attacking a freshly vulnerable part of you (you are freshly hurt, having lost\been distanced from friends for HIS SAKE).

I can’t recommend what to do from here, maybe you can bring him to better understanding of your feelings and how unfair he’s being or maybe you can’t and you’ll have to leave. This is beyond what I can answer here, but I do want to validate your feelings - as you’ve described things, you’re entirely justified in feeling hurt, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

Don’t lose heart, not everyone is like that. I believe we are here to experience love in a respectful, freely given, non-coerced way and that one day every single person will experience the highest form of love imaginable, that we will all experience an abundance of love. For now, give yourself some love, know that other people are capable of seeing that you are justified in your feelings, and try to find a way to go forward.

I wish your the best in solving your situation, and send you love. 😃

Anonymous

I concur with this answer! It’s not right to use your vunerability to hurt you. You make your own choices …your parents should be there to guide you, your friends to back your choices, and your husband shouldn’ t be saying such spiteful things. I hope you can resolve these matters and stand for yourself because it’ s your happiness that matters.

m

Hey, I hope you are able to cope up with this. Its a really sad situation and I wish you loads of power and strength to deal with it. I just feel that nothing in life is impossible. There’ s always scope of light even in full darkness. Maybe you can self introspect and try to improvise yourself. Talk to your loved one’s and get to know that what is it that they don’t like about you. Try to make them understand who you are and why are you like this. We should not fully change ourselves for someone but we can change ourselves for better. Its difficult but its not impossible. And I’ll be more than happy to hear from you again.

Im gonna be straight up and say this…drop his ass. i know i know its not that easy. but you deserve better

Anonymous

thankyou so much for understanding my pain and helping me deal with it.

s

I want to shine a light on you. Your wants and needs come first in your life, appeasing others will not satisfy your needs or happiness. Whatever you feel, is what you feel, and it is real and valid to feel that way. I hope you are able to find a strategy, like journaling for example, to release you feelings in a positive and constructive way.

h

Seems like he is gaslighting you and that’s not right. Your dad might not have liked him or approved, but treating you that ways is also wrong. I’ve been in your situation and this is not you. This is them and you should educate yourself about toxic relationships and gaslighting.

Anonymous

Thankyou so much

Anonymous

hi,
remember u are not alone. if not anyone , i m there for you.
as for your condition, i m in the same situation but at a very later stage. a kid , a hanging divorce . one thing i want to tell you. nobody, nobody in the world can tell you if you are not worthy. if that was not the condition why in the first place he got married. their so called you have changed after marriage, is a way to run from things that they do wrong and put that blame on our shoulders.
you are beautiful, confident girl with a promising future. work for it. talk to people around you. plz talk to ur parents , if not about marriage, just spend time with them. and stand up for yourself. nobody else will do. more strength, love and light to you dear.

I can so relate to ur every word.

You did what you felt was right. It is unfair your partner isn’t able to understand your efforts. If you can, try explaining to them your side of the story.

Anonymous

What I feel is that you should fight back and make your husband realise where he is wrong…
Here’s a third person perspective…
Two people fell in love. The girl’s family was against it so she fought with them , she gave up everything for her love even her friends. All this because she was madly in love with a person who doesn’t even give a shit!

Identify yourself love, you’ve given so much to him and still trying
Now try to stop it and fight back, the way he treats and blame you for everything is not ok not at all

b

Such complexities often leave us miserable and aloof. Dump that man if things are still chaotic and start a new life. If you believe you didn’t deserve what you had to go through. We all can choose growth and higher education, at any moment of our lives.

Anonymous

To be more honest about this situation never go against your parents because in the end you hold grudges and regret because the majority part of your subconscious mind cannot accept the fact that your parents aren’t happy with your decision which directly or indirectly affects your choices and if he says you are ruin everything just leave that person because on the long course of duration you people cannot stay happy he needs to respect your decision of leaving your parents form him leaving your parents for him created a wrong image in his mind (like if we can leave her parents for me that means she can leave me for someone better this may be the case or may not)
Just remember to love yourself more and appreciate yourself more

ghostpanda

There comes a time when you have to take a stand. Think what do you want. Don’t waste your life over someone who doesn’t complete you. And one more thing, which people should know, one shouldn’t spend their whole life with someone who doesn’t respect you or complete you just because your parentd asked you to do it. You aren’t here to sacrifice your life for someone…

Anonymous

F in chat

Anonymous

Make him realise that u both have sacrificed a lot and instead of focusing on other issues we should think about the future. U have been through everything together and are gonna b together too so just make him understand how much u love him and how much all his words hurt u…

Anonymous

Girl!!
first of all don’t let anybody tell u where u went wrong in this situation because its not ur fault…u only believed what he had shown u before and he has changed. so u try taking it out and be open tell him how u feel and what your going through. Becaus he is ur husband he must understand if he dosent understand then u dont need to be with such a man. also try to understand if he has his reasons for behaving diffrently. and then make a choice if u have to stay with him or no. if at all u have to leave him that fo the best then u start a new and show tem ur worth.