Well, I don’t even know how to start, it’s all messed up. I mean each time I seek advice from this app people keep saying talk to someone who you trust or bond with well I don’t have that person and I don’t believe I will ever I am broken in so many ways, first it’s not that my parents are not cool they are and I’ve never really said this, but I feel like they don’t show emotions for me each time I come to speak to them they’re frustrated about me or don’t wanna talk it’s not the right time in the evening in the morning in the afternoon and I keep trying to speak to them with a complete mature conversation but I never had this and I see these fathers or mothers that bond more with their kids I mean, ask them how they are feeling but mine never really cares and if they did they always have something to blame it on and do you know this we are right now when I’m writing this to you guys I feel that I shouldn’t feel this way how dare I when they brought me to this world, and I still complain, or being ungrateful it’s not that for real, but I don’t have any friends that are close to me, never had one it always when I have a friend, they have another friend, and I am the third wheel in this friendship, so I just stopped trying really convinced myself that I am the only friend that I can have and when it comes to saying something to someone, I never really do that, but the closest thing is trying to speak to my mother but she won’t listen really she just doesn’t have time as she says
Or if she listened it’s always my fault, never comforting me or anything
Also, I developed this overthinking from these moments so I will consider anything I will say million times before saying it but I guess nobody cares
Also, I would’ve killed myself long time ago, it’s just I don’t know why I didn’t do it yet 
Guess I’m not brave enough, also fear from God 
Its okay. I hear you. Your feelings are valid. Been there many times. Could relate the things with parents. Even mine are same. I know they love me but they never really tried showing it.
I know like imagine for example we argue about something and I go to my room my mother might care but she comes to say things across door that don’t fucking relate to what I am upset about if the thing was about them screaming or saying things they didn’t recognise they said she will think I am upset cause I didn’t fucking have dinner like what the hell it’s so annoying and I feel this deep inside feeling that tells me whyyyyyy why can’t they notice why can’t they get it why don’t they At least pretend to comfort me or anything 
And I am as I said don’t want to blame this I always make a million excuse maybe they had a bad childhood maybe they don’t know how to show emotions
But I mean fuck it even if they don’t know, at least tell me or never have me at the first place
To make me wish that I was never born all the time. It’s so sad.
I know my words don’t make sense, but I can’t even arrange it
That’s how I feel inside it’s all missed up

Thank you so much you don’t understand how much these words mean to me
Hope I can stay strong enough to fight
