Thought

Profile picture for Now&Me member @nowandme

Now&Me @nowandme

We as humans express and recover from losses in our own ways. Grief being a very subjective experience, is understood very differently by everyone. Today we have with us Soumya Narang, a counselling psychologist to help us understand the experience and expression of grief and loss 🫂😔

About Somya Narang-
Somya Narang, founder of Katharsis Counselling and mental health therapist, is a passionate counselling psychologist and well-being advocate. She completed her education in psychology at Lady Shri Ram College for Women, Delhi University and Christ University, Bangalore. Apart from practising as a therapist, she is also advancing her training in the field of Dance/Movement Therapy facilitation and Narrative Therapy from the Creative Movement Therapy Association of India (CMTAI) and Narrative Practices India (NPI), respectively. Having formerly worked as a school counsellor, Somya’s expertise lies in working with children and helping them adjust to the school ecosystem. Some of her spheres of competence include management of socio-emotional issues like anxiety, mood swings, adjustment to life transitions, relationship issues and personal development. Somya adopts an eclectic, holistic and creative approach in her therapeutic practice.

Feel free to ask her any and all questions aligning with the theme in the comments section before 20th June 2022 without a smidge of hesitation! ⬇️

P.S- You can also book a therapy session with Somya Narang here

Remember that asking questions shows strength, not weakness. 🤗💐
🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡

🏥
🏤
🏨
Profile picture for Now&Me member @johnkenny9980
🏩
🏪
Profile picture for Now&Me member @cess
🏫
Profile picture for Now&Me member @anxius_mizlost
18 replies
🏥
Anonymous

Hi Doc,
Narcissist abuse + sexual + all sorts of psychological and emotional abuse, all my life. My family, partners (exempting one, I’m not sure of)
Bad patterns of self sabotaging, self harming and self destructive behaviours. Got to know what the f is all this (not all but got the idea of it like two years ago at 25 and i didn’t sink in after I made the same mistake of letting back a toxic partner who i barely had let go after the rages and isolation and shit happened (i was even in a unknown City, no friends no family, not their neither to talk to) and then i got love bombed after about 6/8 months he wanted back. I made boundaries, he broke them slowly (in the matter of two months) and back to same shit but this time he’d adapted and was in his home town so he started stonewalling and making me invisible as punishment and what not ( and the rages happened but they got less, breaking of things and abandonment happened but less and then one day I picked up my education again (on YouTube and Google and wherever I could understand my state and his) i did all the relationship shit was given online, to communicate more, not talk as you’re blaming them, don’t make it about yourself, listen and what not! before I started educating myself about mental health and psycology. I know now what he’s been doing, what he did when we were friends and i was in a physically abusive relationship at 17/18 like he was probably a sociopath or something because it was baaadd!! Anyways, i don’t want to put too many words here because there are some predators here as well who read people’s dark and vulnerable stuff and come and spew that on every post they make next. Like someone kept asking me I’m i okay am i still burnt? (After me posting of a person’s story, detailing few instances of how someone abused me and how they once put my head on the stove and threatened me to burn me and then lit the burner and put my face there for a sec, ofc i didn’t write it in such detail but i mentioned it as an example and for the past month or so, on every other post there’s this anonymous person who promts that and yeah so not gonna write anything in real words and detail about any of this, i apologise as it might not be able to capture the gravity of my situation) anyways, i wanted to say that my mind is full of anger, negative thoughts and disgust for this person (my partner who love bombed me back and manipulated and gaslighted his way back in my life) and does his bully - victim - bully thing with me. It’s the same sorta behaviour of my mother as well. So idk how to grieve, and not be attached to it? Or am I normal not to be able to do this till he lives in the same house as me, sleeps on the bed next to me and still baits me, and i keep falling for it. I stay angry, and then I’m completely a fellow human being if he hasn’t done that for half an hour and i become polite and absolutely let my gaurd down and he comes at me when I least expect it. I’ve lost all my life, ambition and like the last thing as well - the will to live. But I can’t again try suicide because it does nothing and i now have a lot of shame because I’m sure u get it by now the people I’m surrounded with ( especially my family, my mother & brother, the bully duo I’ve had to deal with all my life and an absent father who says he loves me, he gives me money to pay my rent and keep food on my table and I’m more than grateful for that, i could never not be but even after he knowing what my mother does, after facing shit himself. He just always flipped on her side the moment I asked him to do something or day something or if I’d take it to him what they did all day and how horrible it was for me. He takes a second to detach ) I’m unable to decide or even understand is me not going no contact worth it for my dad, who doesn’t even care or see what all I have to do so he isn’t left alone and have no one to even talk to about things. But I can’t share shit with anyone of them but like a stupid fck when they are being nice i talk and then they Gaslight me or deny me my reality and it’s over there & then. And i know now, the people I’ve been with (romantically) have just been people like these and me trying to make a difference but the results and end is always the same. I’ve changed myself for them like people change clothes, becoming everything, accepting and doing things, i oppose. Diminishing my needs to nil. But now I’m turning the tide slowly, not for anyone but myself. But I fail everyday. Every hour tbh, and then i have so much shame and anger and disgust again and it’s so hard to reset. It doesn’t stop affecting me, their actions and everything abusive they throw my way. I can’t just fucking ignore them and move with my life like they don’t exist. Especially this guy because i know it’s gonna take a long long time for my family dynamics and a lot of more education. And grief seems soooo far. I still haven’t got the time to heal from my previous abuse and my own mistakes and my own self. I’m so bad for myself, even when I know better. It’s like I can’t get out of this survival mode and the worst part is i can’t stop being a friend to this guy or just a helpful fellow human, where at the same time he’ll do the least and expects me to keep being his personal assistant, maid and everything in between and also he doesn’t talk for days and then he’ll come with his net of an half ass apology for horrendous things he’s done and also his own pretty version of it and when I disagree and name even one thing clearly he starts a fight and denies everything whil accepting what he decided on that day he’s gonna accept and then deny that too and says without even saying directly that i was an abuser to him. And for what? There’s nothing except me not being his girlfriend 9 years ago when I was in that abusive relationship and he’d be like we’re best friends I’m here for u and when I’d share stuff he’d begin raging and manipulation and ask things of me I couldn’t give and I’d ask him to leave. And so much more. Don’t know where to begin and how to stop giving a fuck and shaming myself, guilting and always being apologetic while he uses that to keep me here helping him thru whatever he needs and have no fuckin life. Please help

This thought has been deleted by the thought author
🏥
Anonymous

Hi #somya i didn’t get a reply #now&me for this whole post above. And people who commented over my post/comment got a reply. i was just skipped over?! I’m sorry, very confused if this is intentional or a mistake. Please let me know

🏤
Anonymous

How to forget someone

This thought has been deleted by the thought author
🏨
Anonymous

I was in toxic relationship three months ago. I’m still facing issue to forget him. I don’t love him anymore and I blocked him one month ago. He is in my common friend circle so right now I’m not participating in group video call of our friend circle. I’m working so I’m living in different city. In weekdays I just indulge myself into work …but on sundays I just cry too much, I don’t want him back in my life. I’m unable to forgive myself…because of this I waste a lot of time which I supposed to use for any other productive work.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @anxius_mizlost

Deleted @anxius_mizlost

Talk to a trauma informed therapist i think. And ofc doc will give you the best answer.
Take care my friend. I hope you can come through out of this with your heart full and your mind critical about letting anyone into your life and kinder to yourself. A hope for you, a hope for me. Stay safe. You already did the hardest part i haven’t been able to do. So I’m proud of you, nurture yourself. You’re worth it! ♥️🫂

Amit Raj @roan

How you were able to get out of that relation ?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @somya_narang

Somya Narang @somya_narang

Hi, Moving out of relationships can be difficult a process. In terms of grief, it is not just the loss of a person but also what it meant for them to be with us. While you may not be attached to your ex-partner in terms of love and care anymore, there may be other things that accompanied your relationship that you may be grieving the loss of (for example, having someone familiar to talk with, or the idea of an imagined future together). Like any phase of change and transition, this too requires time. I wonder what it would be like for you to be compassionate towards yourself as you go through this process? Can you remind yourself of the courage that you must’ve had to muster to break apart from this relationship? You can also find surround yourself with whatever you think will support you during this time- therapy, food, friends, hobbies (as long as you indulge in them intentionally and cautiously). Wish you all the love and strength to get through the difficult sundays!

🏨
Anonymous

I don’t know…but once He said to me he has least interested in me…that hit my self respect…I put all blames over myself and left…and after sometimes I realised it was not my fault.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @johnkenny9980

John Kenny @johnkenny9980

This is all bullshit, “just be yourself.”

🏩
Anonymous

My boyfriend makes me feel as if I love him any less. He doesn’t seem to accept my way of loving him. I’m feeling insecure about it now. I think he doesn’t feel complete with me.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @somya_narang

Somya Narang @somya_narang

Hi
Do you know that there are different languages in which people offer and expect to receive love? There’s words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. Is it possible that the language you are using to communicate your love is not the same language that your partner expects to receive it in? It might be useful to have a conversation around love languages with your partner. Once expectations are set straight, you might want to assess whether or not it is in your capacity to offer what your partner seeks. Hope this was helpful. Wish you and your partner a healthy relationship :)

🏪
Anonymous

I had a friend. We were good friends long time back like we used to go to classes together and it was a pretty good friendship although not like close friends but good. But sometime later due to some issues we were not that good friends and no one talked about it upright we just grew apart. Last year I lost that friend to suicide. It shocked everyone. I could not attend his funeral as I was out of town. I do not know what I was feeling like numb or what I don’t know. I didn’t even shed a tear like I know I am a person who would have cried. Idk why this is happening…it makes me feel like I am not a good human or like the worst person to be a friend.

🏪
Anonymous

I think I did not post it before 20th and posted it on 20th after the deadline so it’s not answered. This always happens like I wait till the end most of the time to do anything. Think I need to take this as a learning and not be stupid again 😅

Profile picture for Now&Me member @cess

Jaiga Cess @cess

How to know me? How to process emotion?

🏫
Anonymous

Ma’am I want to forget a person whose thought are constantly coming to my mind whatever work I do…
Please give proper solution for it…
I just want to focused in my work, didn’t want any kind of disturbance in my mind.
I want to forget like I never met that person before…

Read more

Pranay @gbrd

कोई उम्मीद बर नहीं आती कोई सूरत नज़र नहीं आती मौत का एक Read more
Profile picture for Now&Me member @ntgverymuchdude

XD @ntgverymuchdude

Today is the first day of college, idk what they gonna do?
1
@vamsi_narayan
I just started a completely new phase of my life in a new ciRead more
2
Profile picture for Now&Me member @illu

it @illu

Watched love and thunder again today . It was better this tiRead more
7
@vamsi_narayan
Anyone here who can suggest peaceful places to explore in chRead more
2
Profile picture for Now&Me member @consecrate

Abhishek @consecrate

Loneliness is not cured by human company , loneliness is curRead more
21
👀
Anonymous
Why are people asking for money after 2-3 msgs?? Is this plaRead more
7
Profile picture for Now&Me member @kunal_

Kunal Rankawat @kunal_

If you have a Good Topic.. DM me. Doesn't matters If you areRead more