Was overthinking way too much and wasn’t able to focus so decided to take a nice warm shower, put on some music,wore a cute outfit , wore accessories, and now i feel just so powerful and  not giving a damn about anyone!!!!

Personal Growth

i dont know what to do anymore i dont feel like living anymore dont have any friends every girl i talk to end up breaking my heart my family doesnt like me i have a body thing that makes every bone weak i need surgery theres noting to live for anymore :(

Life

Today I feel Super Energetic...

Gender Equality

I feel delusional. I am thinking of a lot of things I'm gonna have very soon and delusions turn into reality, at least that's what I believe in!
I really want to get out of the place and start living my life, I need to explore the world. The covid situations sadden me a lot. A lot of my knowns have been taken away because of covid but I'm grateful for what I have! Everyday is a new learning process and I love it however, I want to take a break from everything that's been going on! I am thinking of starting my own page tomorrow on Instagram, I'm very excited!
There's this guy, I think I love him which is weird but then I'm very happy around him and then there's this sense of insecurity, a lesser version of insecurity of losing him to someone better which I know is not me and its silly and that's why I'm just letting it out here and then I feel like I should study but I just can't sit in one place. I can't believe I'll be 17 next month. I've been doing things but I wanna amplify myself now, I wanna travel,explore, give my page a big ass boom and I will, I'm very sure of that. Anyway, I hope you're doing okay! Let's talk? 

Hey! I am a 22 year old woman. I have a perfect life, a good and supportive family, great friends and a wonderful boyfriend. It’s just that i am not happy and i feel like i dont know who i am, what i have become or where i am going. I have these many people but still i cant share to them what i feel, its cause I don’t want to, its cause even i dont know why i feel this way. I have had certain traumatized experiences from the past, that changed me, i got so anxious that it gets hard for me to get out of my home, i got so many fears about relationships that i always anticipate worst possible scenarios so that i could just be prepared dor anything bad that is coming. Its just i dont know when this started and when i became like this, i am not suicidal per se (i have been in the past) but i have no hopes on this life either. Its just no matter how much i try , it gets harder, and bigger. I have been practicing yoga and meditation since an year or two , but i dont think so it is helping me cope with anxiety and fears, or maybe that i am not able to do it properly. I have been searching for reasons and solutions, my mood swings are so high that it disturbs my day to day life. Please help me!

Depression

I am exhausted. everyone says it and i hate that they misuse that phrase because i am genuinely exhausted. i cant do this i feel nothing whats the point of being here if i feel nothing im not happy or sad i just dont wanna be me anymore i dont wanna feel like throwing up everytime i think of my existence i dont wanna keep on making up scenarios where i end my life and imagine how my family react i dont wanna be this messed up weird person the whole world sees me as and the worst part about it is i can't change any of it i cant erase the image the people in my life have of me in the past i was such a twisted person and i still am now and even my family dosent know it . i know i need help i just dont know how or what for . im lost . and i feel like the only way ill be at peace with myself is if i leave . and i feel so guilty because i dont have a valid reason to kill myself apart from the fact that I hate the way my life is . take as you please from that phrase but i hate the way my life is . i hate the way my friends ask why im crying everytime we break up for half term . i hate the way my family functions . i hate the way im always chasing the wrong people and i get broken and they walk away perfectly fine . i hate the way i look . i hate the way i think . i hate the way i have to come on a website to vent because i have no one.

Emotional Abuse

Backspaced all the long vent... I don't feel like even venting here now, this place also feels alone now which was the only go to place for me . _ .
 F**kkkkk I feel so alone. I want either to take my life god( if there is any) or just make me disappear from this world plzz. Maybe the creature did a mistake by making me a human. I am a f**king adultttttt god I don't want this life 

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