Want Break from life and go far way where no one knows me and live there and come when I feel to be back

Life

I'm Christian, I live in india & I'm a teenage girl . Ik my spiritual life is not going good these days but why in my hard time I'm getting some kind of thoughts that My Lord is going to abandoned me this time. I feel like this when it's necessary I ran to him. I'm ashamed of that but what if he abandoned me ? This is the question that I fear the most 😶
Pray for me 🙏

Spirituality

Hey!  
It's been a good year for me, i lost some extra kgs, i scored really good marks in my boards and got medals and all. I must say life is going pretty well. I just don't know why but i feel really empty inside. I don't know but i have came to that stage of life where i don't have many friends, just 1 and that too busy all the time. I sometimes cry at night but i don't understand why??..  I try to focus a lott on studiea but sometimes i loose it all.  I sometimes feel that no one adores me like everyone hates my around. I am not a kind of person who talks to everyone. I feel empty i feel that if someone will hug me anytime i would cry. I have always been a really sensitive person. 
Whenever i am happy i am feeling good then something bad happens nd it ruins everything all the time. Just so tired of this shitt.. I don't know what to do..  Literally had no one to talk to . It's soo exhausting some timesss godd... 

Mental Illness

Scared confused.like I used to be numb and one day I just broke down and like it lasted a while but when it was over I was so scared because I felt like something was lifted of me and I knew that that weight kept me safe like I was safe with that weight and it's just gone and I want it back and now my minds trying to push me back into that box and like I want to go back but like it's trying to give me nightmares and trying to scare me back and like it's school holidays and I can't talk to my friends and I'm freaking out and I want to talk to someone but then I feel like a burden when people have gone through worse and then I feel selfish for having these feelings and I can't sleep and then my body fires me to pass out so I can rest but I don't feel safe and I just wake up with a weight gone from me and it reminds me okay be careful keep your guard up because I strust easily and then when they do something I feel like it's my fault

Mental Health

Nothing’s going my way for the past two weeks. I just wanna end it all TBH.

3am Thoughts

everything overwhelms me...I don't understand

Confusion

I want to run so far and never look back I want to run from my family all they fucking do is judge and make my life shitty but I’m not grown enough to live I can’t take anymore of this shit I just hope one day I will never see their faces again 

Family

i find it hard for me to let out how i truly feel like ive been through alot and all my life ive had this problem in my mind ofc i can say what i want just fine but when i want to let it out its like i get all idk anxious? and its hard for my words to come out the way i want it too like right now i just recently had a break up with my gf and i told her i need to talk and it needs to be tonight cause i lied and said i was at my grandpa house cause idk how to let out my feelings like i struggle so hard with that and idk what to do and people act like its easy to let it out but for me its not they dont understand my struggle and even if i try to write it out its still hard to let everything out like it is in my head even now im having a hard time typing this... and idk thats not the only thing i struggle with but i was just wondering if anyone out there go through the same as i do and can leave some advice i guess? if anyone can help me on this i'll be thankful for it

Anxiety

My best friend leads a completely normal life, he has a girlfriend and has stopped talking with me suddenly for a reason and meanwhile I'm here being alone, I dont have anything in my life I've achieved and I feel im just going to be a nobody in my life, people wont think about me unless they need something from me. I  want to live a life of substance,  I just dont know what it is yet. That's my rant , thank you.

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